Behind His Blue Eyes
by Im Always Sorry in the Morning
Summary: A little bit of a different take on 5x18 Stand By Me...Everyone is counting on Meredith to bring him back, but she has to find him first.
1. Chapter 1

_Behind His Blue Eyes_

_Disclaimer: All characters belong to Shonda and ABC_

_AN: Sorry it's been so long since I have written a story guys, but this idea came to me last night and I just had to write it…I hope you all enjoy…please please please read and review!_

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It had been two days…two long, excruciating days. She couldn't remember the last time they had gone this long without seeing each other or even speaking to one another. If they weren't able to see each other they had always made the effort to at least pick up the phone and say 'hello'. It was part of their 'new and improved' relationship. They had done well with the whole communicating thing and had really grown as a couple. There were no more commitment or abandonment issues coming from either side, they had become whole and healed, together.

As she walked off the elevator to the surgical wing, she was overcome with a very familiar feeling, one that she had experienced nearly two years ago. Only on that day he had been there to comfort her, telling her that it would eventually pass, and it did right after she saw a man virtually disappear into thin air. But today…today was different, he wasn't going to be there to comfort her, at least not anytime soon. She didn't even know where he was, she didn't even know if he was alive. And that…the not knowing where the love of her life was or how he was doing…was what was causing this feeling.

She turned the corner by the nurse's station attempting to suppress her feeling of loss, when she spotted Bailey and Callie. She had remembered Bailey saying something about sending Callie into the 'woods' to talk him into coming back. By the look on the two women's faces she could tell that she had been correct in the assumption that Callie was not going to be able to talk sense into him. Even she couldn't talk sense into him and they were 'communicating' or whatever. As she neared them her feeling began to violently attack her body from the inside out.

"What do you mean he's not there?" she heard Bailey bellow back into Callie's face.

"I mean he wasn't there…there was no sign of life…it's like he just fell off the face of the planet."

Meredith stopped dead in her tracks; her worst fears were coming true…if he wasn't at the trailer then where would he be? He didn't have any other place in Seattle to go. She quickly tried to think of someplace he could be, anywhere…

"He might be on the docks…" Meredith's tiny voice entered their parameters of hearing. The crazy looks that were being thrown her way made her continue, "the docks…by the ferry boats…he goes there a lot to think."

"He wasn't. I sat there for forty-five minutes waiting on a damn boat…there weren't a whole lot of people there and defiantly no McDreamys."

"You're sure he wasn't on the land somewhere….I mean there are acres…he could be anywhere…what about at the lake? Did you check the lake?" Meredith rambled off.

"Grey, he's not there, I promise you. No car, lights were turned off in the trailer, trailer was locked…no one was home."

"The trailer was locked? He never locks the trailer…I mean he lives in the middle of freakin nowhere why would he need to lock the trailer."

"Meredith take a breath…Lord knows I don't need you passing out on me. We already got enough going on here, people slippin off the map like it's a freakin slip'n'slide, especially that fool of a man of yours. Look why don't you take some time off, go look in all your little hiding places and drag his stupid ass back here…why ain't your little behind moving? I told you to go, so go."

"It's just…what, what do I say? I mean he has always been the strong one in this relationship, he always knows what to say and when to say it…me…I just, I've never done this before. How do you tell the person that you love that everything is going to be alright, when you yourself don't even know how it will end up?"

"You just do…we're not God, we can't control what is going to happen in our future…you should know that, we're surgeons…Look I can't tell you what to tell him and honestly I don't envy you right now for having to do this…but Meredith, you are an intelligent woman who is in love with an amazing man…you two connect like I've never seen any other couple before, you get each other like every other couple only dreams of getting…Deep down you are just like him, you know all the right things to say and in the right moment you are going to know when to say them."

"Bailey's right Mer…" Meredith turned around to see Cristina standing behind her. "Derek's in this dark and twisty place right now and you know that place like no one else…you need to bring him back…we, we all need him back…people are going to…" she paused trying to control her emotions, "You just, you need to get him back here…before it's too late."

Meredith stood there soaking in Cristina's words, she was hiding something, she knew it, Cristina was never this emotional, especially about Derek.

"Alri…ok, uh I guess I'll be back…" waiting a second before she turned to walk to the locker room.

"Yang, what's going on?" Bailey asked giving her a stern look.

But Meredith was too far away to hear the rest of the conversation.

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Two days, he hadn't seen or spoken to her in two days. He had never missed her so much. He wasn't used to being alone, she had always been there. But now, now she was gone…forever.

"You alright son?" the voice of an old man brought him out of his thoughts. He looked to the man sitting to the right of him.

"Yea…yea I'm…yea."

"Excuse me sir, we are about to land, could you please bring your seat to the upright position."

Looking back to his right, he couldn't help but watch the old man. This was who he had wanted to be. He had told her that, even gone as far as to promise her that. Thinking back on it he had promised her a lot, a house, the kids, the dog, the marriage, the eternal love. But now all those promises had gone to hell…the moment he hit the ring into the woods everything went to hell.

He knew that night that she was going to stick around; the look in her eyes made that very clear. Even as he was calling her a lemon, she stood her ground, she really wasn't leaving. But he was trying his best to push her away, push her completely out of his life. He was so proud of her, she had grown so much, if possible he had fallen even more in love with her. This is why he was pushing her away, she deserved so much better than him, someone who wasn't a murderer.

And in his eyes, he had succeeded; she was gone, out of his life…forever…

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Meredith knew exactly where to head first, their spot. It had been their spot ever since she took him there for the first time four years ago to watch the ferry boats. That was the night that she realized she was falling hard for him. He had made her feel like no other person ever had, special and most of all, loved.

As she pulled up she noticed that his car was no where insight. She parked and got out of her car, walking over to the bench that they had shared so many nights, she sat down and inhaled deeply. Bending over she let her face fall into her hands, instantly noticing the return of her eccentric feeling. Keeping her hands clasped she looked up to sky, almost as if she was looking for some sort of sign.

"God I know that I am the last person that you owe any favors, but please just let him be alive. Help me find him and give him the comfort that he needs…just take care of him…let him know that I love him so much."

She had never been one for religious talk, especially with God, but right now she needed all the help she could get. She needed someone to be able to watch over him, she didn't even know if he was conscious, after all he had had enough alcohol to knock an elephant flat on its ass.

She stood up took one last look around and got back in her car.

Twenty minutes later she was pulling up to the trailer, still no car and it looked like the trailer had never been touched. She drove to the only other drivable place on the land, up to where they had talked about building the house, no car there either. She got out and walked around for a few minutes. She smiled to herself; she could picture their beautiful house, with their gorgeous children running around with the dog. She knew it was going to happen.

"It's meant to happen." She whispered to herself before walking back to her car.

After driving around town to all the places she could possibly think of she drove back to her house. She walked inside to a quite empty house. It was so rare these days to catch a quiet moment here; someone was always coming in or out. She walked upstairs and took a quick shower hoping that it would help clear her head so she could think straight.

She walked into their room towel drying her hair, as she flopped down on the bed a picture of her and Derek caught her eye. It had been taken in the fall at a little get together they had with all their friends, they weren't even looking at the camera they had been to enthralled with each other. She smiled, running her finger along his face longing for him to be in front of her right now giving her that look.

"I love you." She whispered to the photograph.

As she set the picture back on the night stand she was suddenly hit with an idea of how to find him. She ran downstairs to her purse, pulled out her cell phone scrolled through the contacts and hit the call button.

"Come on pick up…pick up…" she said impatiently as it rang, she didn't know what had come over her to call this person, of all people.

"This is Dr. Montgomery."

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_AN: Alright there is the first chapter…you feelin it? Should I continue? Please review let me know what you like and what you don't!! _


	2. Chapter 2

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It was true she had put him in this tiny, miniscule box the moment they had divorced. She had to somehow make him look like the bad guy, somehow make him the reason their life had gone to hell, somehow blame him for them not being Addison and Derek anymore. And it had worked, she followed in his footsteps, moving to a completely different city and literally starting her life over again. Then Archer showed up, and as always, brought his hundred pounds of baggage along too. Only this time, it was deadly baggage and to save him she had to untie that pretty bow on her little box.

The moment she walked out the doors of Seattle Grace she was able to tie her bow back again, only it wasn't as pretty as it had been before. She wasn't able to place him in such a tiny box this time, she had never seen him this devastated, this detached from himself. She had literally watched him throw his career, his future, Meredith's future out the window. She still, even after several days, had not been able to completely forget about him.

Her mind began to wonder, back to that treacherous day when he had been called a murderer, back to the day when he had punched his best friend to the ground. She was pulled from her thoughts by the ringing of her cell phone. She looked at the caller id noting a number she had never seen before. She was never one to pick up random calls, but for some reason she had this feeling that she needed to take this call.

"This is Dr. Montgomery."

There was silence coming from the other side, no voice, no background noise, absolutely nothing. She was about ready to hang up when the voice from the other side spoke.

"Addison…" a fragile voice spoke.

She recognized the voice, but she couldn't place it. She thought back to the number, the area code was coming from Seattle…

"Meredith?"

"Yea…I'm, I'm sorry to bother you, but I uh…I need your help with something. And I know that I am the last person that you really owe anything, but I didn't know where else to turn."

"What's going on? Is everything alright?"

"Not really…you were just here you know what's been going on with Derek, but it's gotten worse, Jen's husband has drawn up a lawsuit against him and the hospital. He uh…he met with the hospital's lawyers a few days ago and it…just, it's not looking good…he uh…he quit."

"He what?!?!" she screamed into the phone

"He quit and now he's gone and I have no idea where he is, I've looked everywhere I could think of and I, I just…I can't find him. You two were married for eleven years and knew each other long before that…you know him," she paused knowing that what she was about to say was going to hurt, "you know him better than me," she choked out, "and I am praying that there is a chance you have an idea of where he is."

Addison had been there the first time this happened, the first time he had lost a patient, only it had been a sixteen year old girl. She had been driving home from work after a late shift and was side swiped by a drunk driver, the car had apparently rolled several times. She was rushed to the OR as soon as she arrived, but there had been too much pressure and the bleeding was too severe. She died moments after he opened her up.

From that day on there had only been one person he had ever really been able to talk to when things got bad.

"You're wrong you know? I owe you my life, I owe both of you my life, you saved my brother. So this…this is the least I can do…You need to call his mom."

"His mom? But…but she barely knows me, she's not going to want to hear that I can't find her son."

"Meredith, just trust me on this. She'll know where to find him."

"Alright." Meredith suddenly felt like she was talking to one of her closest friends, someone she could entrust her life with.

"Hey Meredith," Addison spoke after a few seconds of silence.

"Yea,"

"You know him better than anyone, don't let anyone ever tell you anything different. You see the real him, the real Derek, the Derek I was never able to find. You get him like no one ever has before…I'm happy for the two of you, I really…really am."

"Thanks Addison and thanks for all your help."

"You can always call me, for anything. Now you go find him and talk some sense into that rock hard skull of his…don't let him give this up Meredith."

"I won't."

Addison hung up the phone, she had faith in Meredith, if anyone could bring him back down to earth it was her. She knew he was going to be alright, he was in the best hands possible. She sighed turning back to her computer and neatly tied the perfect bow yet again.

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He had always loved this time of year in New York, especially at this time of the morning. The fields were covered in a light mist from the dew that had settled over night and because it was the middle of nowhere, there was no one else on the road.

He pulled off on the side of the road and got out of the car, the cool morning air a rude awakening to his almost unconscious brain. He walked around to the passenger side of his rental car and sat down on the hood, arms crossed in front of him, just admiring the beauty of the sun rise. This had always been a place he had wanted to share with her, someplace, he felt, she would really enjoy.

He had planned on bringing her out here after he proposed so she could meet his entire family, but that obviously was not going to be happening anytime soon, if ever. A sad smile crossed his face as he thought of all that could have been. He spent a few more minutes watching Mother Nature work her miracles and then he got back in his car and continued on his way.

It felt strange to be here, it had been so long since his last visit, so much had changed. Once again Derek got out of his car and walked a short distance. As he neared his destination he smiled to himself, he felt it, the sense of comfort he had been longing for, for days.

"Hey Dad, I've missed you." He said aloud gently fingering the gravestone, fascinated by the blanket of security he was feeling. "I'm sorry it's been so long, there really is no excuse…it's just everything that happened here, I just wanted to forget about it all you know, start over…"

"God, so much has happened since the last time I was here…I sold the practice, picked up everything and moved to Seattle. I traded my Brownstone for a tiny one room trailer, you would love that old thing. I live on forty acres of land in the middle of nowhere. It's got the most amazing view of the city…and ferry boats…it's the kind of place you always dreamed about…there's this lake, kind of like that one up state we used to go to every summer, and it's completely loaded with trout…I used to be able to see myself in five or six years teaching my son how to fish, just like you taught me…

"I really love Seattle Dad…its somewhere where I can be me, the real me…not the high society me like I had to be here. The people there are amazing, nothing like the high-class snobs who only like you because of your money…I have the most amazing friends…Mark moved out there not too long ago. We uh…it was hard at first, but we've gotten closer…at least I think we have." He paused not quite sure how to continue, "I punched him Dad, and not just a playful slap on the arm…it's like I was overtaken, possessed by some other person…we beat the crap out of each other…he caught me at a bad time, I had just lost a patient and I was devastated.

He paused again trying to control his emotions as the thoughts of Jen and being called a murderer resurfaced.

"You know the first thing you learn in med school is that you can't save everyone, that you aren't a god and you can't shape or change someone's fate…that's what I did with Jen, I promised her she would live…I promised her that she would be around to watch her unborn child go to public school…I promised her life Dad, I know better than that…I became too confident in my job I guess. She had an aneurysm, simple procedure, but when I went in I nicked it, which caused severe complications. She uh…she had a stroke and then the baby got sick and it was just one thing after another, and I felt…I felt so responsible for all this hell she was going through.

By this point he had a steady stream of tears running down his face.

"We ended up finding another bleed so we had to take her back in…we were able to save the baby, but Jen…she died, she bled out…her husband filed a lawsuit against me and the hospital…I met with the lawyers a couple days ago…turns out that I have killed more people in my career than I have saved…and Meredith, she said that I take on these impossible cases, that when people come to me I am their last hope…but I still killed them…I am a murderer just like Jen's husband said

"Any other patient I would have waited to go in, I would have waited until I had slept or eaten, but for some reason I let her talk me into doing it after I had been going forty-eight hours straight, after I had already completed an impossible surgery…it was like she had this power over me, the power to make me do anything…I think it's because in a way she kind of reminded me of Mer…

At the thought of her a sad smile swept over his tear stained face.

"Meredith…god you would love her Dad…she's, she's amazing…she's the kind of girl I think you always wanted me with…you know the one who lets me be me, she's perfect for me and she even likes the trailer." He laughed to himself, "Addison…Addie hated the trailer…I think that was why I liked it so much," he laughed again. "But Mer, she's the love of my life Dad, I've never felt like this before, it is the most amazing feeling ever…I met her right after I moved to Seattle, I was at a bar one night and in walked the most beautiful woman I had ever seen, she was flawless…I approached her at the bar and we spent the rest of the night talking and, well…yea. Next day I ran into her at the hospital, ended up that she was an intern and I was her boss," he laughed at the thought of the beginning of their relationship, "She's super stubborn and bossy, she'll fit into the family perfectly," he laughed again, "anyways she told me that we couldn't have a relationship because I was her boss and it was unethical, but I pushed and I chased after her, her words not mine, and she finally agreed to go out with me…we had the most amazing time together and then Addie showed up and I hadn't told Mer that I was married yet…

"I uh…I explained to her why I had just up and left New York, what went on between Addie and Mark and she said that it wasn't enough, it wasn't enough to keep her in my life…and she was right, I lied to her, I was hoping that by the time she found out about Addie we would already be divorced…So Addison decided to stay and fight for the marriage, I really didn't want anything to do with her and Mer, she didn't want anything to do with me…then one day after surgery she caught me in the scrub room and told me that I had a choice either her or Addison and then she told me that she loved me, she loved me and I let her walk out of my life…

"I chose Addie, I look back on it now and I know that it was the wrong choice, there was no hope for the two of us, we weren't meant to be together, but I had completely destroyed everything between me and Mer…she uh, she moved on, started dating this vet, and I was so jealous every time I saw them together, it took me a while to realize that I was still in love with her…so I told her, I told her that when I chose, I chose wrong and then I told her that I loved her...

"So Addie and I got divorced, she moved to Los Angeles, more fitting than Seattle, don't you think?" he laughed "And Mer and I got back together and we've had our ups and downs, but we've grown so close, I know she's the one, you know the one that most people spend their entire life searching for, we have something so incredibly special…Mom came out about a month ago, she loves Mer, she said that she thinks she's perfect for me, that she completes my world, and she's right Dad, my world is nothing without her…Mom gave me her engagement ring, told me that you always wanted me to have it for the right girl and Meredith…she's the right girl…

"But I, I screwed up big this time…I said some things, a lot of things actually, that I shouldn't have and she was amazing you know, she just stood there and took every single word I was throwing at her…it was like she knew I didn't mean a word I was saying…but then…I did something so unforgivable, I don't know if I can ever get her back." He paused and looked down at his clasped hands, "She found out about the ring…and when she came out to the trailer a few nights ago she brought it up…I think she was trying to prove to me that she wasn't going to run, that the idea of marriage wasn't scaring her…but because I was a drunken ass I hit the ring with a bat into the woods…

"I know I can feel you rolling over right now…I don't know what came over me…but I need to find a way to get her back, I won't be able to survive without her. That's part of the reason why I'm here…I need your help Dad, I just…I really need some guidance right now…"

He leaned over running his hands through his hair. He sat there for what felt like hours waiting…waiting for a sign, waiting for anything really. Anything that would help him get the love of his life back. Sighing he lifted his head, cocking it to one side.

"I really do miss you Dad." A small smile spreading across his face.

Derek was lost in thought when the touch of a small hand brought him back to reality. He turned around, completely shocked by the person he saw standing in front of him.

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_AN: I want to thank everyone who took the time to review the first chapter and for all your kind words…I tried to reply to all the reviews, but if I didn't get to yours thank you so so much for reading…so there is the second chapter I hope it held up to expectations, sorry it took a little bit longer to post but I had a little bit of a hard time getting the right wording in these conversations, especially Derek's…I didn't want it to be too boring and sound completely stupid…but I hope you enjoyed it…please please please review some more let me know your thoughts!!! Btw, anybody know who the mystery person is?? _


	3. Chapter 3

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He had called her a lemon. Told her she was the one running away, hiding from their relationship, that she was the quitter. Only she wasn't any of these things and what she didn't know was that he had really been talking about himself. He had been the top-selling author of the books on all the running and hiding and quitting in their relationship. She might have been the one to always end the relationship, but when it came down to it he was the reason. She had asked him to choose her, date only her, wait for her on more than one occasion. And he had always been the one to choose the other person, date anyone but her, run from her.

He heard the sound of steps behind him, but he didn't think anything of it, he was sitting in the middle of a cemetery, it was expected for others to be there. But when he felt someone place their hand on his shoulder he became more alert. He turned around to be met with familiar green eyes. They were the eyes of his future, the eyes he wanted to view his future from.

They were the eyes that gave him the assurance that things would be alright, the eyes that told him they would still get their happily ever after.

"You know most people who are alright don't still have a face like that ten hours later. I hear if you keep it too long you turn into an old wrinkled man just like me." The old man laughed.

Derek remained silent unable to keep his eyes off of the man.

"I couldn't help but overhear the end of your conversation with your dad. My wife…" he pointed to his right, "Lillian, died five years ago…lung cancer, smoked too many damn cigarettes. She was the love of my life, much like your…" he paused giving a questioning look to Derek.

"Meredith." Derek filled in.

"Meredith…what a beautiful name, she must be a beautiful woman…both inside and out."

"She is…I'm sorry, so sorry for your loss."

"I miss her terribly every day, not a moment goes by that I'm not thinking of her, but I'm never sorry. She's in a better place now, one where she doesn't have to get poked with needles and be in constant pain. I was lucky enough to have her for fifty-eight years; there were too many good times to be sorry."

"Fifty-eight years…wow, that is truly incredible." Derek shook his head in disbelief then looked back to the old man, "How did you do it? I mean how do you stop yourself from screwing up so badly that you feel like there is no hope left?"

"We're human, we're not God, we're miles away from being perfect. We all screw up every now and then. And those who truly love us, those who are…in it till the end, they forgive us for anything."

"Even the unforgivable?"

The old man exhaled loudly and paused a moment before cautiously answering.

"What if she had been you? What if she had been the one to say the things that you said? Would you be able to forgive her?"

"Of course." Derek answered immediately.

"And why is that?"

"She's…" Derek shook his head, a smile spreading across his face, "She's my everything. There is nothing that she could do to ever make me stop loving her."

"That's what true love is, never giving up, never losing faith in the ones we love. It's unconditional, loving that person for who they are," the man paused leaning over and squeezing Derek's leg, "through their flaws and all, and seeing those flaws as the thing that makes us who we are." He paused one more time. "We find ourselves climbing every tower, sailing every ship for true love because it's meant to be forever…and it is."

Silence expanded between the two men, each thinking his own thought. Derek looked to his right as the man he hoped to be one day be stood.

"Never doubt her love for you," the old man said turning and looking Derek directly in the eye, "it is one of the strongest things you will ever know, and that love…it can bring you back from anything."

Derek stood, extending his hand.

"Thank you…" he dragged on the last word, not sure of what the man's name was.

"Joe." The man replied taking Derek's hand in his.

"Derek."

"Well Derek…next time I run into you I hope that you will be far better than 'alright.'"

"Yea, me too." Derek replied laughing.

With a nod, Joe turned around and headed back to his car, turning around only when he heard Derek's voice.

"Hey Joe…thank you…for everything."

"You're welcome son."

As Derek watched the old man drive away he couldn't help but be thankful for the men named Joe out there in the world. If it hadn't of been for Joe, who knows if they ever would have gotten together, sure they would have met, but would they have ever had the chance to fall in love with one another? And Joe, made him realize all over again how in love he was with Meredith, how he wanted nothing more than to marry her and grow old with her. How without her, his world was nothing.

"Thanks Dad…you always have known how to help."

Derek reached in his coat pocket and pulled out his cell phone, smiling to himself he hit speed dial and waited…

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Meredith stood impatiently in the middle of JFK's baggage claim. She didn't really have time to sit around and wait on her stuff, she had a relationship to save, a future to look forward to with the man of her dreams. Moments later the belt started spinning and luckily for her, her bag was one of the first to flop down.

As she was making her way out to find a taxi she heard the familiar ringing of her cell phone, she didn't even take the time to look at the caller id.

"Hello?"

"Grey..."

"Dr. Bailey?" she asked confused.

"Listen do you have a second, maybe find a place to sit, somewhere quiet, private?"

"Dr. Bailey, you're scaring me…what's going on, is it Derek?"

"No we still haven't heard from Shepherd. I just…I need you to sit down." She ordered.

"Alright…give me a sec." Meredith quickly moved through the crowd of people and found a quite bench outside. "Ok, I'm sitting down." After not hearing a response for a few moments, Meredith began to worry even more, "Dr. Bailey?"

"It's Izzie…"

Meredith's heart stopped, only a few hours ago George had been saying how worried he was about her, how something had been up, but she kept avoiding whatever it was.

"She went to Cristina a couple days ago…she's been diagnosed with stage IV metastatic melanoma…it's spread to her brain, liver and skin."

Meredith sat completely silent on the other end.

"Oh my god, that means she has what a…"

"Five percent chance of survival."

"Oh my god, we're…how did…we're all doctors…how did we miss this?"

"I don't know…she's scheduled for multiple surgeries within the next couple of weeks, but she has one that is superior to the rest. The tumors on her brain need to come out immediately… there are about twenty people in the entire world who can operate successfully on something this extensive… our only problem is"

"Derek…" Meredith didn't even need her to finish the sentence to know that Derek was one of those twenty surgeons. "Oh my god, that was why Cristina…why she said you need to get him back here…before it's too late…I need to go find him, I need to get him back into that OR."

"The Chief sent Izzie's scans to Mount Sinai; it's on your way to Derek's place I believe. You need to get him back here Meredith; we don't know how long she has."

The phone went silent again, Miranda knew that Meredith was second guessing her ability to bring him back.

"Grey, you can do this, just remember what I told you yesterday, that connection that you two have is amazing…you are going to know what to say…we all have faith in you."

"Thanks…I'll call you in a little bit give you a head's up."

Meredith hung up her phone, gathered her belonging and headed out the doors to find a cab.

"Where to lady?" Meredith rolled her eyes, one thing she didn't miss about the northeast, the impersonal population.

"Mount Sinai Hospital please."

Within a short amount of time they arrived at the hospital, after promising that he would wait for her, Meredith exited the cab and ran inside front desk.

"Hi, my name is Dr. Meredith Grey, I'm with Seattle Grace Hospital. I was told that there would be films waiting here for me for a patient, Isobel Stevens."

The receptionist returned quickly with an envelope in hand.

"We have reserved an area for you to look at the films if you would like." The young lady said handing over the envelope.

"Yes please."

After being led just down the hall, Meredith was left alone in an exam room with the films. She turned on the light and quickly pulled out the films. She was astonished by what she saw. Even throughout the clinical trial and all her years in neuro she had never remembered seeing so many tumors.

"Damn…"

She stayed in the room a few minutes longer praying that there was a way she could get Derek back to Seattle and that there was a way they could save Izzie.

She grabbed all the films, thanked the receptionist and headed back to her cab.

"Are there any car rental places around here, I have a little bit of a trip and I would hate for you to have to drive me all the way up there."

"Where's all the way up there?"

"Briarcliff Manor…"

"Damn…nice neck of the woods…you visiting family or something?"

"Or something…" she replied.

"Uh yea…there's a car place about a mile from here, I can drop you off there."

They drove another five minutes to a car rental facility. She was able to get in and out in a good amount of time, in a really nice car. She had insisted that it have navigation since she had no idea where she was going. When she had talked to Carolyn she had told her where he would be and how to get there, but it was just easier this way.

She drove for the next forty-five minutes in silence, nothing but her thoughts…so much had happened in the past week, it was hard to keep it all straight. Derek had been acting incredibly strange, Addison had come back with her brother who was dying, Derek performed this mind blowing surgery that had saved Archer's life, then came Jen who Derek pretty much dedicated his life to until the moment she died, then he became this dark and twisty person, the kind of person she was meant to be not him, he moved out, into the woods, away from society, away from her, then disappeared, apparently to New York and now…Izzie. Who knew how long Izzie had been sick for, she had never let on anything about being sick or feeling sick. How could this happen to someone so young, so full of life, someone who still had an incredible future ahead of her.

She began to admire the landscape. Nothing but flat land and trees, it was absolutely beautiful. No cars or tall buildings to screw up the skyline, it was gorgeous. She stopped her car, put it in park and just sat and enjoyed the scenery for a few minutes. It was so easy to see why Derek liked the outdoors now, this is where he had grown up. Suddenly the familiar ring of her cell phone filled the silence of her car, she answered expecting it to be someone from Seattle giving her an update on Izzie.

"Hello?"

"Hey…"

"Derek…" she breathed a sigh of relief, it felt so good to hear his voice. She got out of her car and began to walk.

"I am so, so sorry Mer…I don't know what came over me…I never meant…I would never…I love you and I miss you so much."

Meredith stopped walking, his words had shocked her, almost as much as they had several nights ago. He said 'I love you'. She always knew that he loved her, they never really said it, never really felt the need to say it because they knew that they loved each other. But to hear him say it, melted her heart and brought tears to her eyes.

"Mer?" Derek's voice filled with concern on the other line.

"I always loved that coat…it's the one you had on the first night you took me to the trailer…the night that I knew I loved you."

"How…"

"Turn around."

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_AN: Guys I am so sorry that this took me so long to update…I had the hardest time trying to write the conversation between Joe (the old guy) and Derek…and I know you all thought that it was either going to be Meredith or Derek's mom…pulled a little twist on you!! Hope you liked it though…_

_So I have no clue where Derek grew up or anything so I found Briarcliff Manor, which seems to be a really nice place, a quite little town...it just seemed fitting so that was all totally made up._

_Alright I would like to straighten some time things out here…so this chapter takes place about 10-12 hours after the second one did…Derek arrived in NY went to a hotel slept some, cleaned himself up and then went to see his dad. The whole conversation that Meredith had with Addison took place while Derek was on his way to NY…so pretty much as Derek was landing in NY Meredith was taking off in Seattle so that is how she ends up here (NY) now. Ok and her drive to the cemetery is during the time that Derek is talking to Joe, that's how when Derek pulls out his phone to call her she's already there. _

_So I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter I know it's not what you were expecting…once again I apologize for the delay…I tried to be nice and not leave you with a cliffhanger this time 3 … so please read and review…let me know what you thought of it all and as you can guess the next chapter will be mainly MerDer (at least I think)…Thanks for sticking with me on this guys_

_Oh one more thing….thank you all you keep reviewing, they honestly do keep me going…I tried to get back to every single one, but if I didn't get to yours thanks for reading!!!! The next chapter will be up as soon as possible…Thanks!!!_


	4. Chapter 4

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He had never really believed in guardian angels, never believed that there were people on this planet who were meant to help us, save us even. The night he walked out of that bar with a beautiful woman attached to his arm, he began to have a glimmer of hope that maybe people do exist to help us, guide us through our tough times in life. The night he took her to the trailer for the first time, the night that he realized she liked him for who he really was, not some big infamous hot-shot from New York, the night he fell in love with her, that was the night he began to believe.

They had been each other's guardian angels, sent to each other to help one another through the toughest times in their lives. They were meant to be together, there was no way around it, it was fate. Fate had brought them together on that warm summer night so many years ago and fate would keep them together for many more years to come.

After talking to Joe for nearly an hour, Derek decided that he needed to call Meredith. He wasn't quite sure what he was going to say to her, but at this point he just needed to hear her voice. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and hit speed dial.

He was getting more and more nervous with each ring, he didn't know why it was just his Meredith, but he wasn't sure is she was still his. On the fourth ring she picked up.

"Hello?"

"Hey…"

"Derek…" her voice, almost a whisper, had never sounded so beautiful.

"I am so, so sorry Mer…I don't know what came over me…I never meant…I would never…I love you and I miss you so much." His words were a mess, he wasn't thinking straight, he was too caught up in the need to be next to her, the need to hold her.

"Mer?" there was silence coming from the other end, he was worried, worried that she was just going to hang up or tell him that it was over.

"I always loved that coat…it's the one you had on the first night you took me to the trailer…the night that I knew I loved you."

"How…" he asked confusedly.

"Turn around." He heard the line on the other end go dead as he turned his body to face the other direction. What he saw brought tears to his eyes. She had come, she had flown all the way out here to help him, to love him, to be his guardian angel.

They stood in place for only a few seconds before she began to walk towards him. He shook his head in disbelief as a smile, made only for her, began to spread across his face. As she walked up to him she placed her hands on his chest and looked directly into his eyes. She noticed they weren't the normal indigo blue that she had come to recognize, they were empty, hollow almost, she could see the pain, the regret swimming through the dark oceans.

"I am so…you are my world, you are what makes my world complete…I don't know how I…" tears started streaming down his face, "I don't know how I could say those words to you, how I could be so hateful, so demeaning…god, I didn't mean a word…you have to believe me Mer."

"I believe you…I do."

"But…" he said as she turned around to sit on the bench behind her.

"Everything you said…I've been told all those things before, I mean they are nothing new, it's what I grew up with but…to hear them from you…it was like I had a scalpel slice through my back straight into my heart," for the first time in a week she had tears streaming down her face, "and Derek, I love you, I can't live without you…but I can't…"

"No, no, you can't do this," he asserted, kneeling between her knees grabbing her hands, "Mer I screwed up alright…I screwed this up to the point of where I thought we would never make it back…"

He paused, placing his hand underneath her chin, bringing his face level with hers, staring into her beautiful eyes.

"Do you remember that amazing night we spent together the first time I took you to the trailer?" he asked smiling at her.

She nodded leaning her head into his hand as he stroked her cheek.

"Remember I asked you to trust me, to take everything on faith…I need you to do that now, more than ever…and I know I've messed up, I've betrayed your trust more than….I said all these things to you Mer and I wasn't, I was never talking about you, they were never about you….they were all about me, every single last one." He looked away from her trying to hide the disappointment in himself.

"Derek, what are you talking about?" she asked as she pulled his face back to meet hers. He stood up and started pacing in front of her.

"I'm talking about the running and the hiding and most of all the quitting. That is all on me."

"Derek, I've done my fair share of…"

"No, don't you see," he interrupted her, "I tell you these things…I love you, I want to marry you, I want to start a family with you, I tell you these things and you try, god you have always tried and I just…I walk away…me, I am the one that runs in the opposite direction, that hides from the commitment, that pushes you to the point of quitting…how are you…after everything I've done, everything I've said…how are you still here?"

Meredith shifted in her spot on the bench, looked to her left into the afternoon horizon, and cleared her throat before she spoke.

"We apparently lash out at the people that we love, you know why?" she asked turning her head to look back at him, he shook his head, "Because we know that we can count on them to be there no matter what happens, no matter who yells, no matter what the future holds we have that one person to always lean on. I get it Derek, I do, I understand…there have been plenty of times that I have gone psycho on those closest to me…and that doesn't make it ok, that doesn't mean it didn't hurt, but I understand."

"You are so amazing you know that." He said kneeling down between her legs again.

"I know." She laughed as she leaned her head in so their foreheads were touching.

He closed his eyes, reminiscing in the closeness and the smell of her hair. They stayed like this, in silence for a few minutes. Meredith couldn't help but notice the distress written all over his beautiful features. He looked tired and beaten down, so un-Derek.

"Why her?" she blurted out, causing Derek to open his eyes and pull his head back, "Why her? What was so special about her? How was she different from any other patient?"

"I don't know…" he stood up and ran a hand through his dark brown curls.

"Yes you do…Derek we've worked on countless cases together, the clinical trial, I've never seen you this attached to a patient…what was it? Was it the baby?"

When he didn't say anything she stood up and walked up to him placing her hands on either side of his face, giving him a reassuring smile.

"Come on talk to me…this is our new thing remember, communication or whatever."

"Yea…you've become incredibly good at it." He said placing his hands on her waist, hoping that they could change the subject, he didn't want to go into why Jen had been so important to him.

"Yes I have, but that is another story for another time…come on, it's just me, you can tell me anything, you know that…" she said sliding her hands down to his arms.

"It is just you isn't it…" he said more as a statement to reassure himself then anything. He looked deep into her eyes, he could tell her anything. When she had said that several months ago and he told her what was on his mind, he could see the urge in her eyes to turn the other way, but now…now they were full of nothing but certainty, love and understanding.

"She was you, I looked at her and all I saw was you."

"What are you talking about?"

"In the OR you and Addie kept telling me that she wasn't Jen anymore, that she was never going to be Jen, that she was gone, there was no hope…and I…I was back on that dock pulling your lifeless body out of the water, trying to breathe life back into you, literally feeling your body crush under the power of mine, praying," he paused overtaken by the emotions of reliving that day, "just praying that there was a way I could save you."

"Derek…" she didn't even know what to say, they had never really talked about the accident.

"We're doctors, surgeons…we're trained to be emotional robots…we work on a person for hours, give our all to just…watch them die and then we go on with our lives, we go home and we wake up the next day to do it all over again...and then there comes a day when we get to see the other side of life, the emotional roller coaster of hell...the day you sit and wait for the kind of news that changes your life forever…the day you put the love of your life's life in the hands of your superiors and colleagues…hoping to God that she makes it because you know there is no way you will ever survive without her, no way you will be able to keep breathing and no way you'll be able to wake up the next day and just move on."

They sat in silence, tears steadily flowing down their faces, both reliving the tragic, life-changing events of that day. Meredith had not realized until this moment how much Denny's words rang true.

"It changed you didn't it?" Meredith's tiny whisper broke the silence, "Even though I came back, it still changed you?"

"Knowing that the person you love is on the other side of a door attached to god knows how many machines fighting for her life while you…while you just sit there, completely helpless, literally watching her slip away…yea that changes a person." After a few moments of silence he spoke again, "I kept wondering how I was going to survive, how I was going to continue my life, live out the future that we had planned, live in a world that didn't include you," he said as he looked into her eyes, shaking his head he continued, "and I…I couldn't find a way…I couldn't wrap my mind around the idea of having to live without you."

Silence filled the air as they sat, both consumed in their own thoughts.

"You know I moved out to Seattle expecting to live the rest of my life alone…I told myself that I wasn't going to get into a serious relationship ever again, because I didn't want to experience that kind of pain, that kind of heartbreak again…" he paused turning to her tilting his head, "but then you walked into my life," he smiled, "and you brought out the best in me, you made me the person I had always wanted to be…and before I knew it I had completely fallen in love with you…you saved me, you saved me from the ocean of sorrow that I was drowning in…and I," his words were cut short by the emotions that had overtaken him.

"You what?" she asked gently placing her hand on his arm giving him the courage to continue.

"I couldn't save you…I couldn't save you from your ocean of sorrow."

"Derek…all the machines, all the people that worked on me that day…they had nothing over the power that you have on me…You," she paused moving to sit on his knee and looked directly into his eyes, "you are the reason I came back, you are the reason I chose to come back…I came back for you, I came back for that future that we planned together…I came back because whiffs," she paused shaking her head, "would have never been enough."

Derek's strange looks led her to continue.

"When I…died…I uh, I went to this weird limbo place, sort of like a pre-afterlife experience I guess…there were all these people there, and Doc," she smiled as she remembered the dog that had brought them back together, "but, Denny was the one that helped me the most. He made me realize how much of a miracle it is that you are who you are. He told me that you were one of those rare people who actually believed in true love and soul mates, and he told me if I didn't come back, if I hadn't survived, it would have changed who you were and I…I never want you to change…then he told me the only thing we got from loved ones were moments, moments where our paths would cross, and it would only last a second or maybe two and then," her eyes welled up with tears, "then, we move on…and I, that whiff, that second or two…" she again looked deep into his eyes, "I couldn't wrap my mind around only getting moments with you for…I need you and I love you so much that it scares me, but I came back because of you. So don't you ever say that you couldn't save me because you, Derek Shepherd, are the reason I am sitting here in your lap this very moment…you are the reason I do everything that I do."

Derek stared at her speechless for a few moments, "I love you so much." He said as he brought his hand up to wipe the tears falling from her eyes. She leaned in giving him a quick kiss before they wrapped their arms around one another, "Thank you for coming back to me." He whispered kissing her on the top of her head.

They sat holding each other and just enjoying each other's company for a few minutes.

"So…" she said pulling away, looking in front of them, "are you going to introduce me?"

"This is my dad, Christopher Shepherd," he paused looking up from the grave stone to look at Meredith, "Dad, this is Meredith, the most wonderful, beautiful, talented woman I have ever met, the love of my life." Meredith smiled and then rolled her eyes.

"Suck up," she laughed as she removed herself from Derek's lap to kneel next to the grave stone, "It is so nice to finally meet you Dr. Shepherd." She said running her hand over the cold stone.

"Mer…how did you know where to find me, I mean no one knows that I come here, except my…did you call Mom?" he asked amazed by the thought of how she could have found out.

"I uh…I called Addison first, who told me I needed to call your mom."

"You called Addison…as in my ex-wife Addison?" he asked in total shock.

"Are you telling me there is another Addison?" she asked jokingly, "Yes, your ex-wife. I looked all over for you Derek and you were nowhere to be found. I wasn't going to go to Mark, and Addison is the only other person that knows you, you know, so I called her…she said you had this place you went to when things went to hell, but she didn't know where it was so she had me call your mom…and here I am."

"Here you are…" Derek shook his head in disbelief once again. "Come on let's go for a walk." He said as he grabbed her hand.

"A walk, in a cemetery? Seriously?"

"Yes seriously…there's this lake that has the most incredible view, I would love to show it to you."

"Alright," she said grabbing her bag, "lead the way."

They walked the short distance in silence.

"See that little dock over there," he said pointing across the lake, "that is where my dad first taught me to fish. We came here every summer until he died…I stop by every time I come to visit, makes me feel closer to him." Meredith placed her hand on his arm causing him to turn and smile, "He would have loved you."

Meredith smiled at him and then looked back out over the lake.

"It's beautiful, reminds me a lot of home." She said smiling up at him.

The word 'home' brought a smile to his face, she said it like it was an everyday thing. She really was ready for their future together. Placing his arm around her shoulder he pulled her in for a hug and kissed her head, "I love you."

"I love you too." She replied, her smile fading when he looked away and his features turned serious.

"Would you still love me if I never operated again?"

"What?" she asked totally shocked this had been the last thing she had expected, "Derek you cannot be serious."

"Why not? You saw that stack of folders, it was huge. I've lost so many patients Meredith, people have died because of me,"

"No," she interrupted, "people have lived longer because of you. You take on these impossible cases… do you know how many people you have saved because other surgeons were too scared to pick up a scalpel…do you know how many people come to you or are referred to you because you are the best there is? We all lose patients, every single last one of us, it's part of the job, you know that…but Derek, you stack your unsuccessful pile next to every other single neurosurgeon in this country, I can promise you that theirs tower over yours."

"You don't get it,"

"No, you don't get it," she interrupted him again, "we have to look at all the lives we have saved, all the families we brought back together, all the people that got a second chance at life, at love…they are what make you who you are," grabbing his hands she continued, "you have an incredible gift, one that some of us only dream we could begin to touch…I could never stop loving you," she said placing her hand on the side of his face, "but don't give it up…there is so much good that you are still meant to do."

"I don't know."

"I do…now is your time to trust me, to take this on faith…trust me when I say there are still people out there that you are meant to save."

"Why do you have such faith in me?"

"Because," she replied smiling, "you're you, you're amazing, you are the reason I and so many others went into this field."

Meredith stopped talking and looked down at her twiddling thumbs, a nervous habit that didn't go unnoticed by Derek.

"Mer, what's going on? Something's up, you only do that thing with your hands when something's on your mind."

Meredith looked up, she could feel the sting of tears in the back of her eyes. She looked over to her bag and grabbed the familiar yellow folder, Derek saw the tears in her eyes as she looked back at him.

"Mer, you're scaring me. What's that?" he asked pointing to the folder.

"Scans…of Izzie's brain…she has skin cancer and it's," she was trying so hard to restrain her tears, but her efforts were failing miserably, "it's spread to her brain…and you are one out of about twenty surgeons in the world who has a chance of saving her."

Derek was stunned, he grabbed the films from Meredith and quickly pulled them out holding them up to the sky.

"Damn…" he said shaking his head, he looked back towards Meredith after placing the films back into the envelope, the sight in front of him tore his heart in two. "Come here…" he said pulling her into a hug and kissing her on the head, he held her until she seemed to settle down a little bit. Pulling away he placed his hands on either side of her face, "I promise you that I am going to do everything that I can to help her…she's going to get through this alright."

Nodding her head she leaned back into his embrace. After a few more minutes of just holding her he leaned down to whisper in her ear.

"What do you say we get out of here?"

"Ok…thank you, for doing this."

"Thank you for everything…you have been truly amazing."

"I love you." She said leaning in giving him a quick kiss on the lips.

"I love you too…come on." He said standing up reaching his hand down for hers.

It was now more than ever that he believed she really was his guardian angel, because she had rescued him yet again.

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_AN: Guys I am so sorry that it took me so long to update, school and just life in general has been kicking my butt lately…anyways there is the long awaited conversation between Meredith and Derek and I have to say it was probably one of the hardest things I have ever written…I hope you all liked it…I'm not quite sure where I want to go with the next chapter, any suggestions??_

_Reviews make my day!!! Thanks for your continued support!! - K_


	5. Chapter 5

_AN: For any of you who actually remember this story I am so sorry for the month long delay in an update, I know I am a terrible author…I just finished the end of my semester, but am getting ready to go back for a 2-week summer course, so I wanted to update before that!! One little thing about this chapter, between this one and the last a few hours have passed, they returned Mer's rental car, so they are driving in his. So here it is…enjoy and once again I am so sorry for the delay!!_

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Childhood is meant to be one of the best times in our lives, not the hardest. It's a time when we are supposed to run around, carefree and innocent. A time when we take on new adventures, cross new territories and discover the unimaginable; and as we grow, we slowly remove the training wheels from more than just our bicycles. We remove them letting our minds run wild with the possibilities of what we can do on just two wheels. But what happens when you have welded training wheels, it's impossible to move on, impossible to experience the happiness of childhood, and those dreams that the two-wheelers have, those possibilities, for you they've never existed.

Her childhood, spent on nothing but training wheels, had made her out to be the strong, courageous, kick-ass surgeon that she was today. The emotional abuse, the neglect, all the things that seemed negative at the time, made her a better person, gave her a reason to be that better person. But the training wheels were a constant reminder of the hard times, that is until she met him, the one person who knew exactly how to remove them. He had been there every step of the way, encouraging her along the two-wheeler path. He had given her the ability to pursue her dreams that she wouldn't have otherwise had; the dreams of love, of having a family, of having a lifetime together.

"Mer, wake up." She felt his strong hands running along the side of her face, causing her to stir from her deep slumber.

"Hey…" he said when she opened up her eyes. Continuing to run the backside of his hand along her cheek, he smiled.

"Hey…how long have I been asleep?"

"Just a few minutes…we're here." He replied looking out the window.

Meredith followed his gaze to the enormous white colonial style house that sat in front of them. This was Derek's childhood home; this is where he had grown up, where he held all his memories of his youth.

"Wow…" was all she could say.

"Come on" he said exiting the car. He grabbed their bags out of the back of the car and proceeded to the passenger side of the car and opened up the door, "come on." He repeated holding his hand out.

"It's just that…this is your house, your mom's house, which means your mom's in there…and last time we met, which was the first time we met, things didn't go over so well…I mean maybe I should get a hotel or something and you can stay here, spend time with her…she's not going to want me here…"

"Mer…" he interrupted, silencing her with a kiss, "two things…one you're my girlfriend and I love you so no you are not staying in a hotel, you're staying here with me," he leaned in and kissed her again, "and two she loves you…she thinks you are perfect for me and you are so come on." He finished pulling her out of the car.

"How do you always know what to say?" she asked as she stared at him in wonderment.

"Because," kissing her quickly, "it's my job."

"Well, you are amazing at it." She said grabbing his hand as they walked towards the house.

"I know."

"Ah…I see the cockiness is back." She giggled, screeching when he grabbed her sides and began tickling her in the middle of the front yard.

"Derek….Shepherd….stop!" she said between her laughter.

"Bossy." He replied stopping his attack on her sides.

"You love it!" she watched as he brought his hand up to her face smoothing the stray hairs from her eyes and tucking them behind her ear.

"Hmm…"

She loved that sound; it always brought a smile to her face, always made her feel like to him she was the only person on this planet.

"Come on…let's go see your mom."

Hand and hand they walked up to the wrap-around front porch.

"Wow…" Meredith froze on the top stair looking around, "I always imagined our house having a porch just like this." She finished turning to face Derek with a big smile on her face, "What?"

"Nothing." He answered, shaking his head, she had made him speechless yet again, she was ready, she was definitely ready for a future, their future. "Come on," he leaned in giving her a quick kiss on the cheek before opening the front door, "Hello?"

"Derek is that you?" they both heard coming from a distance.

"Yea Ma…"

"Come on in, I'm in the kitchen."

Derek held the door open allowing Meredith to enter the house first.

"Wow, this place is huge."

"You have no idea," he leaned in kissing her on the cheek again, a habit that she was quickly beginning to love. He grabbed her hand and walked her through the living room, dropping their bags off by the stairs before he led them into the kitchen.

"Hi Ma."

"Hi sweetheart, how are you doing?" she asked pulling her son in for a hug.

"I'm great mom." He replied smiling down to Meredith.

"Meredith, it's so good to see you again dear." Also pulling her in for a hug, shocking Meredith.

"Uh…it's good to see you too Mrs. Shepherd."

"Oh dear, Carolyn please, Mrs. Shepherd was my mother-in-law."

Meredith turned to look at Derek when he started laughing.

"Yea, you don't want to compare her to Grandmother." He said smiling at her.

"Grandmother?" she asked cautiously.

"Exactly my point dear," Carolyn replied "Derek be respectful of your grandmother." She said smacking him lightly with a towel.

As Carolyn turned back around to continue what she was doing, Derek rolled his eyes at his mother, causing Meredith to cough in an attempt to hide her laughter. She felt comfortable here, far from what she expected, far from the awkwardness of Seattle.

"So how long do you two plan to stay in town?"

"Not long, I have an emergency surgery I need to get to…we'll probably leave tomorrow morning."

"Your sisters will be sorry they missed you."

"Yeah I'm sure they will." He replied sarcastically.

"Derek Christopher…" she said sternly, turning around to meet his eye.

"What?" he asked innocently.

"They are so looking forward to meeting you Meredith."

"Uh…they, they are?" Meredith shot a nervous look between Derek and his mom.

"Yes, they've heard so many wonderful things about you."

"I told you she's nothing like Nance." Derek said to her giving her a reassuring smile.

"Oh god no, I'm sorry she was the first one you had to meet."

"Guess she hung around Grandmother too much huh?" As soon as she finished speaking she realized what she had just said, she looked up from her chair in horror, causing Derek to laugh. "I'm…I'm sorry that just slipped out."

"Oh dear don't worry about it…there never was anything I could do about Nancy's bitchiness, she's the split freakin image of her grandmother…unfortunately."

Meredith turned to Derek, biting her lower lip, after he winked at her she let out a little laugh, allowing her to become even more comfortable.

"Alright," Carolyn turned around with an armful of food placing it on the table between Derek and Meredith, "I have plans tonight, but I made you two dinner; enjoy and get some rest," she said placing her hand under Derek's chin, "you two look exhausted."

"Plans, on a weeknight?" he asked grabbing a bottle from his mom's vintage wine collection.

"It's Tuesday night…I go out every Tuesday night with the girls…now if you'll excuse me I need to go clean up before I leave."

Meredith was the first to take a bite of the steaming lasagna.

"Oh my god…oh I know where you learned to cook now."

"Good?" Derek asked, raising his wine glass to his lips.

"Amazing…it's like heaven in my mouth…oh my god." Causing a sly look to cross Derek's face.

"What?"

"Nothing…it's just that," he leaned in kissing her quickly, but passionately on the lips, pulling back so that they sat only centimeters apart from one another, "that's not the first time I've heard words like that come out of your mouth." He leaned back in his chair winking at her.

"Seriously…seriously…we're sitting in your mom's house, with your mom upstairs and you're talking about sex."

"Well…"

"No," she interrupted him, "we are not having sex in your mom's house…there is a line drawn and you are so not crossing it this time."

"Mer she won't even be here, she'll be gone for like five hours…do you know how many times I could make you say 'oh my god' in five hours." He said running his hand up and down her thigh.

"Crossing," she grabbed his hand stopping it from moving any further, "the line." She finished as she placed his hand back on his leg. "Now eat your dinner before I have to send you to bed without it."

"Oh but that means I can go straight to dessert." He replied giving her his best smile, knowing that he was pushing all the right buttons.

"Seriously, we are not," she paused, hearing incoming footsteps. _No sex_ she mouthed causing Derek to laugh.

"Alright you two, don't wait up…" Derek and Meredith didn't even hear the rest of what Carolyn was saying they were too focused on each other. "I'll see you two in the morning, sleep tight." She finished kissing her son on the head before walking out to her car.

"Seriously what am I going to do with you?"

"Well…"

"Stop," she said throwing a biscuit at him.

"Oh so that's how you want to play?" he lunged forward causing Meredith to jump out of her chair and run to the opposite side of the kitchen. "So what happened to this line?" he asked as he slowly walked towards her, cornering her.

"See this space between us? That's the line…no touching." She stated.

"So if I were to do this," he placed his hand on the back of her head and kissed her passionately, "that would be crossing the line?" he asked breathlessly moments later.

"That would defiantly be crossing the line." She stated as she bit her lower lip, closely watching his swollen ones, yearning to feel them crushing against hers again. She placed her hands on his chest backing him into the closest wall and then pulled his head down into a searing kiss.

"Der…Derek." She barely got out as he began his assault on her neck.

"Sorry Mer…no sex remember." He said pulling away.

"You suck." She said breathlessly.

"Hey, your line not mine."

"Whatever." She said rolling her eyes as she moved past him to grab her dishes.

"What do you say we clean up here, go upstairs and call it a night."

"I think," she leaned in giving him a quick kiss on the lips, "that sounds perfect."

They quickly cleaned up their dishes and placed the leftovers in the refrigerator. Before heading upstairs Derek grabbed the wine bottle and their two glasses, "Come on."

They ascended the stairs and walked the hallway for what felt like hours until they reached the last door.

"Geez, how many freakin rooms does this house have?"

"Seven." He stated.

"You're kidding me right, seven bedrooms."

"I told you, you had no idea how big this house was. We all had our own rooms and then a spare one, which eventually became Mark's room."

"Wow…" was all she could say.

"Come on, this is my room." She walked in to a room that must have been the size of their bedroom back in Seattle, it was huge. Looking around she smiled, the indigo colored walls were covered in posters, it was so him.

"This is great." She said turning around and smiling at him.

"Yea brings back a lot of memories."

"I'm sure it does."

"I'm going to go take a quick shower, make yourself comfortable, and uh…if you feel the need to join me you know where to find me." He winked at her before shutting the bathroom door.

"You're killing me!" she yelled over the running water.

"You love it."

In the short time it took Derek to take a shower, she had managed to change out of her clothes pour a little bit more wine into her glass and curl up in bed with his baby book.

"Hey this is the picture I woke up to the morning after you took advantage of me." She said holding up a picture of him completely naked.

"Ah, you mean after you took advantage of me." He laughed leaning in to taste the distinct flavor of wine on her lips.

"Whatever," she said eyeing his naked body as he walked over to his bag sitting on a nearby dresser.

"Hey…" he said turning around.

"What?" she asked innocently, continuing to look at his pictures.

"What am I supposed to wear to bed?" he asked as he climbed in the bed looking her body up and down.

"What this?" she asked naively, pulling on the t-shirt she had on, "I just grabbed it out of a drawer at the house before I left." She finished smiling sweetly at him.

"Hmmm…it's funny you know, I could have sworn that I packed the same exact shirt," he paused lifting the covers, "and pants."

"Well, you are obviously mistaken." She replied frankly returning to the pictures in front of her.

"Apparently I am," he paused a moment before getting out of bed and stretching, "it's alright I don't need to sleep in anything, I mean as long as it doesn't bother you." He said smiling as he watched her eye his body.

"Uh…nope…no bothering here." He laughed as he noticed her flushed complexion.

He disappeared back into the bathroom only to reappear seconds later.

"What happened to wearing nothing?" she asked as he hopped into bed in a pair of pajama pants.

"Mer…no crossing lines remember."

"Stupid, idiotic rule." She mumbled to herself.

"What was that?" he asked throwing his arm around her.

"Nothing."

They sat, in each other's arms for the next hour, looking through Derek's old photos and just talking about their childhoods. As Meredith turned the cover to close his baby book, she felt his lips against her head.

"I love you." He whispered in to her hair.

"I love you too…we're going to do this kind of thing right?" she asked turning to look at him, "Make our kids baby books, so they can have good memories of their childhood."

"Of course we will."

"I want to do this right Derek, I don't want to be like my mom…I want to be there for our kids for everything, his first little league game, her first dance recital, their first day of school, when they lose their first tooth, I want to be there to kiss their knees when they fall, to hold on to the back of the bike when they are riding without training wheels for the first time…I want to be there." She looked up at him, tears threatening to overtake her eyes.

"You will be," he replied grabbing her face in his hands and gently kissing her eyes, "You are going to be an amazing mother, you know how I know that?" with a shake of her head and a sniffle he continued, "Because you already love them, you are already concerned about their future."

"I have to be with my crappy DNA…I'm telling you they better get your families genes."

Placing his fingers underneath her chin and bringing her eyes level with his.

"What if I want my daughter to have your blonde hair," he said running his fingers through her curls, "and your mesmerizing green eyes and your beautiful smile," leaning in kissing her quickly on the lips, "and your infectious giggle that makes my heart stop every time I hear it, and your heart," he placed his hand on her chest, "that is so full of love and compassion it truly astounds me, and your brain that holds so much knowledge it literally blows the medical world's mind…what if I want my daughter to have her mother's amazing DNA?"

"Then that is up to you and your whatever."

"Ah…no pressure."

"No pressure," she laughed leaning into him, "They are going to be perfect either way."

"They will…I love you."

"I love you too." She kissed him quickly before leaning over him to turn off the lamp next to the bed.

"Hey Mer,"

"Yea,"

"I don't want to have to sleep without you another night."

"You won't have to…I promise." She reached up one more time to kiss him before settling back down at his side.

Within minutes Derek breathing had slowed to steady, even patterns, letting Meredith know that he had quickly fallen into a deep sleep. She laid there for only a few minutes, thinking back on the conversation they had had just minutes before about their future, a future with kids, their amazingly perfect kids and it brought a smile to her face. This was just another route taken on a two-wheelers path, a path that thanks to Derek, she was fully envisioning.

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_AN: So I intended for this chapter to be longer, but felt like this was a good stopping point, so for the next chapter, I can either continue with my original or idea which was to have them have a conversation with his mom or have them go back to Seattle, either way I have ideas so let me know what you guys want!!! Once again I am so sorry for it taking me a month to get this up…I promise I will try my hardest within the next two weeks to get the next chapter up!!!_


	6. Chapter 6

_AN: Thanks McDreamydreamsofme for all your help!!_

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She was his light, there was no way around it, she was the reason he kept going, the reason for his existence really. She saved him over and over and over again. Growing up he had dreams of having a family, a marriage and the love that his parents had. Fourteen years ago when he had decided to marry Addison, he knew that the chance of those dreams coming true was slim. When he moved out to Seattle he completely faced the fact that none of those dreams were going to come true, but then she walked in to his life.

As he watched her sleeping form he couldn't help but smile; his dream of experiencing a passionate, undying love had been fulfilled the first time he held her in his arms, and the dreams of a truly blissful, cherished marriage and a breathtakingly, beautiful family weren't far behind. He unwrapped himself from her tiny body, kissed her gently on the head and quietly walked downstairs.

"Ma, you're just getting home it's," looking at the clock, "one o'clock." He said as he walked in to the kitchen surprised to see his mother.

"What am I your child, I don't have a curfew Derek…what are you still doing up?" she asked eyeing his shirtless body.

"It's not what you think, trust me," he leaned in kissing her on the cheek; "Mer and I went to bed around 10…I'm just thirsty, came down to get something to drink."

"Is that your baby book?" she asked seeing the item that Derek had just placed on the kitchen table.

"Yea, Mer was looking at it earlier, I thought I would look through it some more."

"Hmm…she's changed…" Carolyn said sitting down at the table.

His mom's word made Derek pause before grabbing the juice carton out of the fridge.

"We've both changed Ma, things happened after you left, things were said, people were hurt, we've…we've both changed." He finished grabbing the carton and turning to get a glass out of the cupboard.

"You didn't let me finish…she's grown, matured, gotten stronger it seems like. If it's possible I would say she's even more perfect for you now, then she was a few weeks ago."

"You saw her what, all of five minutes tonight and you can already tell that?" he asked sitting across from his mom at the table.

"It's the way she looks at you when you laugh or talk, like she would be totally lost without you, she's being herself this time and that is what makes me love her even more."

Derek smiled and for a few moments they sat in complete silence, Derek lost in his thoughts and Carolyn trying to read his thoughts.

"What happened Derek?" Carolyn finally spoke up.

"I said things…awful things…things that I'm pretty sure if I repeated you would castrate me, and seeing as I need that stuff for the future, I'm not going to repeat a word." He chuckled.

"She seems to have forgiven you." She stated.

"Yea, I'm still not sure why…" he replied, sipping at his glass.

"We all do it sweetheart," she said placing her hand on top of his, "we're not perfect, we all get angry, we all get upset…we all," she emphasized, "take things we shouldn't, out on the people we love most. And for some reason, against all sense, we forgive each other."

"What kind of person tells the love of his life that she's incapable of commitment, that she does nothing but quit, that she's nothing but a…" he paused overcome with emotion, "how does she forgive someone who treated her the same exact way everyone else in her life has. I am the one person that she should be able to rely on for love and support, the last person who should treat her the way I did…she deserves so much better…she deserves the world for all the hell she's been through and I go and throw all that shit right back in her face…how does she forgive that?" Derek finished looking up at his mom, "How does she even look at me? How does she lay next to me in bed and tell me that she wants a lifetime, that she wants a family?" by this point tears were slowly trickling down his face.

"Oh sweetheart," Carolyn moved her chair next to Derek's, pulling him into a hug, "she loves you, she truly loves you." She pulled away taking his hands in hers, "You were so lucky to find her…so what is this I hear about grandchildren?" she asked wiping his tears while trying to lighten the mood.

"Haha we were looking at my baby book and it just kind of came up," he shrugged his shoulders, "I can't wait to have a little girl that looks just like her mommy." He said as an incredible smile crossed his face.

"I'm expecting you to give me the cutest grandchildren…I love all my grandchildren dearly but let's face it, your sisters did not marry very attractive men."

"Ma, you're awful." He looked at her completely stunned.

"I'm just saying…you will have the cutest kids." She stated matter-of-factly while reaching over to grab the picture book.

Flipping it open she landed on a picture of Derek and his dad when Derek was five years old. She smiled, rubbing her finger over her husband's image.

"Do you think Dad would have liked Mer?" Derek asked interrupting his mom's moment.

"Like, no," she paused, causing Derek to worry, "love, there is no doubt in my mind." She looked up smiling at Derek, "he always wanted you to be with someone who loved you for you, who let you be who you really are…and Addie didn't do that, she made you out to be this high society person that you weren't and never will be. I told you weeks ago, you need Meredith, she's the one."

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She was never allowed to have dreams growing up as a little girl, at least not those that little girls should have. She was only allowed to dream of a big, high-profiled career that consumed her life. But now he was allowing her to have all the dreams she wanted, and just a few hours ago they had talked of their dreams together.

She stirred from her sleep, unaware of her surroundings at first, she turned over intending to cuddle next to Derek, but she was rudely met with a cold, empty space. Grunting she raised herself up on her elbow and readjusted her eyes so she could read the clock, it was nearly two o'clock. She lay in bed for only a few minutes pondering if she should go and try to find him, but she didn't really know the layout of the house all that well. After about ten minutes she rolled out of bed, dug through his bag to find some socks and wondered out of his bedroom.

As she descended the stairs she heard noise coming from the kitchen. Her face lit up as Derek's laughter carried through the hallway to her ears. She paused just outside the kitchen as she heard Derek speak.

"Do you think Dad would have liked Mer?" she wasn't sure if she wanted to hear the answer to that question. She had always avoided meeting the parents, because honestly she had never met parents that actually liked her.

"Like, no," Meredith's eyes widened in panic, "Love, there is no doubt in my mind," Meredith felt a smile cross her face, loved, his parents actually loved her. "He always wanted you to be with someone who loved you for you, who let you be who you really are…and Addie didn't do that, she made you out to be this high society person that you weren't and never will be. I told you weeks ago, you need Meredith, she's the one." She smiled, even bigger now, she felt warm inside, he had been serious when he had told her that his mom loved her and that she was perfect for him.

"Hey…" Derek smiled as he saw Meredith come into the kitchen.

"Hi…" Meredith replied running her hands through his hair and quickly kissing him, "How was your night out?" she asked turning to Carolyn with a smile on her face.

"It was wonderful dear thank you for asking."

"Everything alright?" she asked as she sat next to Derek, stealing a sip of his juice.

"Yea," he answered as he turned his body to Meredith, "everything is perfect." He answered his head tilted with a smile on his face. The sparkle in his eyes as he looked at her didn't go unnoticed by Meredith or Carolyn.

"Good." She returned the smile, "You should go back to bed, you need your rest," she said as she ran her hand along the side of his face and brought it to rest under his chin. She laughed as he yawned, "Seriously go…"

"Alright, alright…bossy." He leaned in kissing her on the lips, "I love you, don't stay up too long." He smiled standing up and kissing his mom on the cheek, "Night Ma."

"What no 'I love you,' after forty-four hours of labor I deserve an 'I love you'."

"Uh Der, I might want to rethink that kid thing we just talked about." Meredith stated her eyes wide at the thought of nearly two days of labor.

"Haha no chance, we are having that little girl," he winked at her, "I love you, both." He finished looking at his mom as he emphasized the word both.

After Derek walked out of the room, Meredith noticed the baby book sitting in front of her.

"You two have a beautiful family." Meredith smiled as she looked at the photo of the entire Shepherd family.

"You and Derek will have an even more beautiful family."

"You think?" Meredith asked looking up at Carolyn.

"I know," Carolyn said placing her hands on top of Meredith's, "There is no going wrong with you two…no matter what they are going to be beautiful and incredibly smart and talented children."

"If they are anything like him, they will be amazing."

"Don't doubt yourself…from what I understand you are one day going to surpass the capabilities of my son."

"Haha I don't think so…Derek is amazing at what he does, there is no surpassing that. If I can be," she shook her head, "half of what he is I will be an amazing surgeon." She smiled looking up to Carolyn, "You have a truly incredible son, in every sense of the word, you did an amazing job."

Carolyn sat looking at Meredith as her eyes began to tear up and a smile crossed her face.

"Derek…" she started off, "the person he is today, that is because of you. His father and I raised him to have good morals, to be a good person, he gets his perfect hair and those piercing blue eyes and that incredible knowledge of the brain from his father. He gets his ego and his drive to be at the top from me," she laughed, "But the person he is, the surgeon he is, the love that he offers to everyone, his faith in the future, that…is from you. You are the reason my son is so incredible, you have made him the happiest he has ever been, and I know your future together, the love you two share, those beautiful children that you are going to have, are going to make him even happier…and for that, I thank you. Thank you for finding him."

"Well, I can't get all the credit…"

"Meredith you have allowed Derek to be who he really is, who he wants to be, you let him do whatever makes him happy…that is all his father and I ever could have asked for. You were the answer to that prayer."

Meredith smiled, looking back down at the photograph.

"How do I do it? How do I become a loving wife, an amazing mother?" Meredith asked looking up to Carolyn for guidance.

"It's something that comes naturally." Carolyn replied, "You already are a loving wife, just not legally, nothing is going to change when you get married, it's just a technicality. You promise to be there, to love him unconditionally, support him through the good and bad. You're already doing that, you're here supporting him and loving him, that won't change. You just continue to be you. Motherhood is all instinct too. You are literally panic stricken until the moment you hold that baby in your arms and then suddenly it's like it's all lifted the fear of not being good enough; of completely screwing up this innocent being, it all goes away. And you come to realize that being a mother is one of the best things in the world."

"What happens when you come from a crappy home and have crappy parents that gave you crappy DNA? What do you do then? How do you not follow in their footsteps?"

"You live life the way you have planned it, you raise your children based on you and your husband's beliefs, not those that you were raised on. You continue life the way you have every day since you stepped out of that hell hole and you create your own path. A path that is uniquely yours and has no ties to the crap you went through as a child."

Meredith watched Carolyn closely, there was something hidden underneath all that strength and love.

"My mother," Carolyn continued, "was sixteen and a high school dropout when I was born, my father was a twenty-one year old, jobless alcoholic. My mother worked as a waitress, but most of the money she brought home went towards the alcohol stash. I never really realized how bad things were until the age of ten. I woke up one night to screaming and shattering bottles and noticed the next morning that my mom had on abnormal amounts of makeup." Carolyn paused before continuing her horrifying story, "On my fourteenth birthday, I found a note that said she had left, that she couldn't take the beatings and the abuse anymore, so she packed her things and left. I had no other family so I had no choice but to stay with my father, so I threw myself into my studies and into the hopes that I would one day find a better life. By the time I was sixteen I had had enough of being his slave, of cleaning up his messes, of throwing tens of alcohol bottles away a week, of being told that I was a worthless whore just like my mother, so I left. I found an abuse shelter about twenty minutes from my house and that is where I lived until I graduated high school. I was lucky; I found the life that I had always wanted, one that included a great man who loved me and a wonderful family." She smiled looking at the photo, "Derek has told me a little bit about your childhood,"

"It's not the same." Meredith interrupted, "It was nowhere near as bad." Carolyn looked at her, giving her a look that meant she wanted to hear the rest of the story, "My father left when I was five, my mother being the person that she was did nothing but work, I had a nanny until I was seven I think, but I was on my own from that point on. I saw my mom maybe once a week, and when I did see her, I was always told I wasn't doing the right thing, I was eating too much, or having too much fun, or not working hard enough. So I through myself into the party world, had a little bit too much fun in college, eventually straightened myself out and I guess tried to create my own pathway." She smiled at Carolyn, "Which led me to Seattle and meeting Derek and this wonderful life we have together."

"See you are already so different from your parents, you have such a different mindset about life, about love…the way I look at is, I wouldn't be living the life I am today, I wouldn't be the person I am, have the family I do, had the time with my husband that I did, if certain things from the past hadn't of happened. Everything that happens to us shapes our life, shapes who we become. My past, the way I was treated, made me want to be the best possible parent, the best possible wife…and I have a feeling it is doing the same for you."

"I really want to be the best mom I can be…I want to be there for my kids, I want them to know that I love them and how proud I am of them…I don't ever want them to think that they are a disappointment to me or that they are a nuisance more than anything. I just want to give them the best." Meredith said as a few tears trickled down her cheeks.

"Oh sweetheart," Carolyn pulled Meredith in for a hug, "You are going to be an amazing mother," pulling back slightly, "I am always here, just a phone call away, if you ever need anything, even if its," looking at the clock, "three o'clock in the morning and you don't know how to stop your little girl from crying, I'm here."

"Really?" Meredith asked wiping her tears.

"Really…my girls called me at all hours of the night, they still do." She smiled, "You are my new daughter, Meredith, I will be here for whatever you need, baby issues, husband issues, past issues…never hesitate."

"Thank you…for everything." Meredith said leaning in to hug Carolyn one more time. "I should probably get back to bed, I need to get Derek back to Seattle for a surgery in the morning."

"He told me, everything will turn out fine dear, no worries," she said squeezing the hand, "now you get on to bed, and I will see you in the morning before you leave."

"Alright, thank you again, good night."

"Night dear."

As Meredith left the room, Carolyn sent a silent prayer to her husband, thanking him for sending this angel into their son's life.

As Meredith walked up the stairs she couldn't help but smile. Carolyn had had just as hard of a childhood as she had, if not worse, and she was this wonderful, strong, loving woman that had a beautiful family. Maybe it was possible after all, maybe she had a chance at being a great mother, at being an amazing wife…she could do it, after all this was her pathway not her mothers. And Meredith's pathway was lined with nothing but love and family.

She quietly crawled into bed next to Derek turning her back towards him and pushing herself against his chest. The shift of the mattress caused Derek to stir, but not fully awake, he threw his arm around her midsection and unconsciously brought them closer together.

"I love you." She whispered, kissing his hand.

"Love you." Was the barely there reply, as he kissed her on the back of her head.

There was no doubt they were going to be great parents and they were going to have a great life together. All the issues, everything was behind her now, she had a new life, a new vision for the future and it was one that she was looking forward too, her dreams were coming true. She was finally seeing that dreams really do come true if you just survive the hardest times.

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_AN: I'm not a huge fan of this chapter, I had it all planned in my head, but it didn't really come out the way I had it planned lol…I hope you liked it_

_I decided to do the conversation with Derek, Meredith and his mom because I think it will kind of set Meredith up for everything that's about to happen, I think she needed that extra push of confidence and to know that she really will be a great parent. So next chapter they are heading back to Seattle and I should have that posted fairly soon within the next few days but defiantly within the next week!! One more week of school and then I promise I will be better at updates :)_

_Please Please Please review!! They keep me going!!! Thanks for all of you who continue to read it!!! - K_


	7. Chapter 7

_AN: Thank you to everyone who reviewed!!_

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It is during our darkest moments that we seem to have to focus the hardest. If we don't focus enough we find ourselves spiraling out of control into a never ending black hole, so we stand back and drink in the light. It's that light, even the smallest bit, that saves us from the black hole, that gives us the motivation to surpass our failures, because surrendering to those failures is a death you never want to face.

Today was the day he had to face the light, his first surgery since Jen, since the lawsuit, since being called a murderer. And in this moment, standing in front of the mirror, there was no light, the unordinary sunny Seattle day, was nothing but darkness in Derek Shepherd's eyes.

"Hey, I brought you some coffee." Meredith said walking into the bathroom and kissing him on his back.

They had returned from New York nearly an hour ago and had run home to shower before heading to the hospital.

"Thanks…" he replied giving her a small smile.

"Derek…" she paused to make sure he was looking at her, "there is a reason you are doing this surgery…you're one of the top surgeons in the country, so don't think about what happened last week, think about the amazing surgeon you are, think about all the lives you have saved with these miracle worker hands of yours," she smiled grabbing his hands, "think of all the lives you are still meant to save…you are an incredible person, an incredible surgeon, you can do this," she placed her hand on the side of his face, "you can do this, I have complete faith in you."

"I love you."

"I love you." She stood on her tiptoes to kiss him, "now come on, we need to get going we are going to be late." She said turning around and walking out of the bathroom.

"Bossy's back…" he chuckled.

"Excuse me?" she leaned back in the doorway.

"What?" he asked attempting his best innocent face.

"Ah, innocent face might work for mommy, but it doesn't work for me." She stated causing them both to laugh.

She was glad that he was laughing, maybe there was light at the bottom of the hole after all.

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"You're wearing a turtleneck under your scrubs, its ugly." Meredith stated as she stood next to Cristina filling out a patient's chart.

"I was cold when I got up this morning…at least I don't have a six year old's ponytail." Cristina threw back without taking her eyes off the chart.

"Cristina…I know what happened, Callie called me this morning."

"It was an accident, I'm fine."

"You are not fine, people who are fine do not get choked by their boyfriends in the middle of the night. Hunt tried to kill you, Cristina, he literally wrapped his hands around your throat…that is not alright."

"So what I'm supposed to up and leave because of some nightmare, it's not that cut and dry Meredith. Derek nearly hit you with a baseball bat, and I'm not even going to say what he called you, why aren't you walking away?" Cristina asked as she walked away.

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"Hey," Meredith felt a familiar hand on the small of her back.

"Hey, you alright?" she asked looking at him carefully.

"Yea, uh…I was just on the roof with Hunt and I don't know, something's going on there."

"Yea…" she looked around before grabbing his hand, "come here." He allowed her to drag him into an on-call room.

"He strangled Cristina last night." She said immediately after the door was locked.

"What?" he asked completely shocked.

"That call I got this morning before you got in the shower, it was Callie, letting me know what had happened."

"What the hell happened?"

"Apparently he had some kind of nightmare, Callie heard a struggle coming from the bedroom so she went in and found him with his hands around Cristina's throat, luckily she walked in when she did otherwise…she said he was in some kind of trance almost."

"PTSD…" Derek answered quickly.

"Yeah, I know, he needs help Derek and she…" she shrugged her shoulders while shaking her head, "she won't stay away from him."

"I'll talk to him, ok?" he said rubbing the side of her face with his thumb.

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"Hey Iz."

"Mer…what, what are you doing here, shouldn't you be working?"

"I had a few minutes and I thought I would come by and see how you're doing."

"I'm fine." Izzie smiled. "Is he ready Mer? I mean I know he's the best of the best, but so much happened last week and believe it or not I would like to live. So I need to know, is he ready?"

"Iz…" she placed her hand on top of Izzie's arm, "he's ready…I wouldn't have him operate on you if he wasn't." Meredith finished giving Izzie a comforting smile.

"Well, well, well…looks like someone finally decided to come visit huh?" Bailey smiled at Meredith as she walked into the room, "You finished that thing already?" she asked as she saw the lime green scarf lying in Izzie's lap.

"Yea, I had some free time…but it's ok," she looked to Meredith, "you all have jobs and responsibilities and you're supposed to be learning that shouldn't stop because I have things growing on my organs."

Bailey looked to Meredith, then grabbed the thermometer.

"I have a colectomy this afternoon, if you were the resident assisting me and I would say to you, divide the secum, what would you use?" Bailey asked.

"Dr. Bailey, I'm not assisting you and you're not going to ask me to divide the secum." Izzie replied.

"But I'm not going to let you get rusty," she pointed a finger at her, "a year from now you need to be able to do this stuff, you need to be able to teach residents how to do it."

"You really think I'm going to be here a year from now?" Izzie asked.

"Yes…" the two women turned to look at Meredith, "we do." She smiled at Dr. Bailey who was looking at her beeping pager.

"Let me guess, Mr. Colectomy?" Izzie asked.

"I will see you later." Bailey said as she rushed out of the room.

"I'll go too…you need to get some rest before the surgery. You'll be fine…don't worry you're in the best hands possible." Meredith smiled at her, squeezing her arm slightly.

**GA**MD**GA**MD**GA**MD**GA**MD**

Meredith was on her way to the cafeteria to grab something to eat before Izzie's surgery when her page went off.

'_OR 2 – 911'_

Within minutes she was walking into the empty room with one sole person standing over the table.

"Derek?" Meredith asked cautiously.

"Meredith…" Derek turned around showing her his wide, frantic eyes.

"What's wrong? Are you ok?" she asked, still standing completely still.

"I can't do this. I'm not ready."

"Yes you are." she replied walking closer to him.

As she got closer she could see the scattered tools that he had been using.

"Go over the procedure with me…" she said looking up to him from the tray. Derek searched her eyes and took a deep breath before grabbing the forceps.

"Forceps, free from the…" he was visibly shaking.

"Relax," she said grabbing his hands to steady them, "you can do this," she said looking directly into his eyes, "you're the legendary Derek Shepherd, you can do this." She said giving him her best supportive smile. "Try again…" she encouraged.

"Forceps, free from the arachnoid, tacking sutures, pateus, suction." He slowly said each word.

After going over the procedure for nearly forty-five minutes, Derek looked up to Meredith with a smile on his face which she gladly returned.

"See," her smile reached her eyes which were sparkling in awe, "I told you, you could do it."

"You did didn't you." For the first time all day there was a hint of sparkle in his eyes. "I should uh…I should go talk to Izzie before the surgery. Thank you," he placed his hands on her waist, "for being you."

"I love you, you can do this. Remember those two things, always." She leaned up and quickly kissed him, "Now go talk to Izzie."

"Yes ma'am." He winked at her as he walked out of the surgical room.

He could do this and as the day was slowly progressing more and more light was beginning to shine.

**GA**MD**GA**MD**GA**MD**GA**MD**

After quickly briefing Izzie on her surgery Derek made his way to the scrub room. This was one of those dark moments that he had to put everything he had into focusing on the task before him. He was so deep in thought that he didn't even notice the door open, but the tiny little voice immediately grasped his attention.

"Hey…"

"Hey…"

"I uh, I brought you your ferry boat scrub cap…I know how serious this thing of yours for ferry boats is." She smiled.

"I've been looking for that…" he stated.

"Yea well apparently my cubbie felt the need to hold it hostage." She laughed.

As Derek finished scrubbing in Meredith placed his cherished scrub cap atop his dark curls.

"Here we go…" Derek turned to Meredith smiling.

"Don't forget, I love you and you can do this." She said. The smile on her face was all that Derek needed to know that she had complete faith in him, and it in fact gave him a little bit more confidence.

"I love you too."

Meredith turned to look through the window separating the scrub room from the OR.

"We'll see you soon Dr. Stevens." She heard Derek say.

"I hope so."

"Know so." Bailey replied quickly.

"Dr. Bailey," Izzie voice quietly broke the silence, "if something goes wrong…"

"It won't." she replied again quickly.

"The scarf, I made it for you." Izzie said as she looked to the ceiling praying that these wouldn't be her last words.

"Come on Derek…say it, say it." Meredith was saying to herself back in the scrub room.

"It's a beautiful night to save lives," Izzie looked back to Derek and could tell that he was smiling behind his mask, "Let's get started." He nodded towards Bailey.

As he turned around he noticed Meredith still standing in the scrub room with a huge smile across her face, he could do this, she was right. He saw her wave goodbye and then slip out the door. He turned back around to the now sedated Izzie Stevens, took a deep breath, smiled as _'I love you, you can do this. Remember those two things, always.'_ ran through his head again and began the surgery.

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It had taken hours, but he had successfully removed all of the tumors. He had looked at the scans just minutes ago, and now a smile crossed his face, Izzie Stevens was alive because of him, because of Meredith, she had given him the confidence to get back in there.

"Surgery went well today."

"Yea it did." He turned around with a smile on his face as the chief entered the locker room.

"Shouldn't you and Meredith be out celebrating?"

"I just wanted to clean up before I left." He said as he pulled on his dark sports coat. "Hey, can you do me a favor?"

"Sure Shep anything."

"Meredith gets off in about thirty minutes…can you make sure she gets on the right elevator for me?"

**GA**MD**GA**MD**GA**MD**GA**MD**

Meredith smiled as she approached the elevators, it had been an incredibly long, emotionally draining day and all she wanted to do was spend the rest of the night curled up next to Derek. As the elevator chimed, the chief came running around the corner.

"Wait…wait, you can't take that one." He said trying to come up with an excuse to get her on the other elevator.

"Why not?" she asked suspiciously.

"It's uh, it's been breaking down all day."

"Funny, I've been using it all day." Meredith said.

By this point the elevator door had already closed and it had been called to another floor. Meredith annoyingly went and punched the elevator button again, never taking her eyes off of him.

"Can I take this one?" she asked sarcastically when it chimed. "Seriously, what is going on?"

"Well, go on." He ordered.

"Hey, come on in…"

Meredith's breath was taken away when the elevator doors opened to reveal Derek and walls covered in x-rays and patient files.

"This is a CT," he said pointing, "of Katie Bryce 16 year old female, subarachnoid aneurysm."

"From a fall during rhythmic gymnastics I remember." Meredith finished his thought.

"That was our first surgery we ever scrubbed in together," he said as he looked down at her, "our first save. Right here is a cerebral cyst, tough save, but we did it, I kissed you in the stairwell," he said looking back at her, "after the surgery." Turning to the next set of scans he continued, "And this right here is where Dr. Bailey kicked you out of the surgery because she caught us in your driveway in my car." They both laughed. "And right here, this was a seven hour craniotomy; you held the clamp the entire time never flinched, that's when I knew you were going to be an incredible surgeon. And Beth Monroe, made our clinical trial a success by surviving, you talked me in to putting her under," he paused causing Meredith to look up into his eyes, "That's when I knew I needed you," he smiled, turned and pointed to a set of films, "and this is today, post-op head CT of Izzie Stevens, you see that," he pointed to the film, "right there, tumor free, because of you," he said turning his body to face hers and grabbing her hands, "you got me into the OR. If there's a crisis you don't freeze, you move forward, you get the rest of us to move forward, because you've seen worse, you've survived worse, and you know…we'll survive too." He paused smiling before he continued, "You say you're all dark and twisty, it's not a flaw, it's a strength, it makes you who you are. I'm not gonna get down on one knee," he shook his head, "I'm not gonna ask a question, I love you Meredith Grey," he smiled, "and I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

"And I want to spend the rest of my life with you." She replied trying to hold back her tears.

He shook his head, the way he always did whenever she left him speechless. He was truly in love with the woman in front of him. He leaned into her kissing her passionately as she twisted her fingers in his dark curls.

"Wow," she broke away breathless after a moment, "that was amazing."

"You deserved the best."

"This was better than the best." She smiled kissing him again.

"What do you say we get out of her and…" he was interrupted when his pager went off.

"It's Hunt, I uh…I really need to take this." He gave her an apologetic look.

"It's fine." She smiled at him, "I should probably go check on Cristina, see how she's doing. Call me when you done?" she asked.

"Of course, I love you." He placed his hand on her cheek and leaned down to kiss her.

"Mmm…I love you too."

**GA**MD**GA**MD**GA**MD**GA**MD**

As Meredith entered the dark apartment she quickly walked over to the bedroom door and quietly knocked. When she entered she saw a tear-streaked Cristina lying in bed.

"I'm engaged."

"I broke up with Owen." She said before falling back into the pillows.

Meredith immediately removed her shoes and crawled into bed next to Cristina, they never spoke, she knew that just being here for her at this point was all she wanted. Cristina had just fallen asleep when Meredith's phone began to ring.

"Hey…" she whispered when she answered.

"Hey, how's she doin?"

"Not good, you know?"

"Yea he told me everything."

"Uh…I don't know if I'm going to be able to leave anytime soon. I want to make sure she's alright before I leave."

"Yea, I understand, call me when you do get out oh and hey do you mind driving up to the trailer tonight?"

"No not at all, I'll call you when I leave."

"Ok, bye."

"Bye."

Meredith let out a sigh, she wanted to be happy she really did, but everyone else's life around her was going to hell.

"Mer, you should go…I mean you just got engaged, go be happy, you deserve it."

"I'm staying here, he understands."

"Seriously, I'm just going to sleep anyways so unless you're some kind of weird creeper who likes to watch me sleep, go."

"You sure?" she asked after thinking about it.

"Absolutely."

"Alright," Meredith said grabbing her stuff, "call me if you need anything."

"Hey Mer," she said as Meredith was walking out of the room, "I'm happy for you."

"Thanks."

Meredith quickly made her way to her car downstairs and dialed Derek's number on the way. The phone seemed to ring forever before his voicemail finally picked up.

"Hey, I talked to you like two minutes ago, where did you go? Anyways, I just left Cristina's so I should be up there in about thirty minutes. I'll see you soon."

**GA**MD**GA**MD**GA**MD**GA**MD**

It took her just over thirty minutes to get to the trailer. She sat in her car for a minute, thinking of how much things had changed since she had been up here just a few days ago. They were engaged now, this was really forever. Meredith smiled before grabbing her stuff and getting out of the car.

As she neared the trailer, she could hear music playing in the distance. Once on the porch she noticed lots of light coming from the distance and it sounded like that was where the music was coming from. She laid her stuff inside quickly and walked over to the open field. The same open field that she had built her house of candles.

As she got closer, she noticed Derek sitting in the middle of hundreds of candles playing the guitar. She smiled she never had had the chance to ask him about the guitar playing and song writing. As if on cue Derek looked up and met her eyes.

"Hi…" he said.

"Hi," she giggled, "what are you doing?"

"I dug out my guitar and decided that I wanted to write you a song."

"You wrote me a song?" she asked

"Mhmm…you wanna hear it?" he asked her smiling at her cuteness.

She couldn't respond, she just bit her lower lip. He began by playing beautiful chords, she was completely blown away, she had never realized that he was this good.

_Well, I know there's a reason  
And I know there's a rhyme  
We were meant to be together  
And that's why _

She was even more speechless than before, he had an incredible voice.

_  
We can roll with the punches  
We can stroll hand in hand  
And when I say it's forever  
You understand _

As she listened to the words, she couldn't help but think how much the song explained their relationship, especially this past week. They had been dealt a lot of punches the last couple of days, and in the end they were able to walk away hand in hand and promise each other forever.

_That you're always in my heart  
You're always on my mind  
And when it all becomes too much  
You're never far behind  
And there's no one that comes close to you  
Could ever take your place  
Cause only you can love me this way_

_I could've turned a different corner  
I could've gone another place  
But I'd a-never had this feeling  
That I feel today  
Yeah _

He could have gone a different place, he could have stayed in New York, but he chose Seattle of all places and he met and fell in love with her.

And you're always in my heart  
You're always on my mind  
When it all becomes too much  
You're never far behind  
And there's no one that comes close to you  
Could ever take your place  
Cause only can love me this way

Ooooohh…

Na na, somebody love you

And you're always in my heart  
You're always on my mind  
And when it all becomes too much  
You're never far behind  
And there's no one that comes close to you  
Could ever take your place  
Cause only you can love me this way

It was that simple. She was what he constantly thought of. She was there when he needed her most. There would never be another woman that could make him feel the way she did and no one would ever love him like she did.

_  
Only you can love me this way_

Derek finished the song and placed his guitar on the ground, while Meredith stood in awe of what he had just done, her eyes slowly filling with tears at the thought that someone loved her this much.

"No one's ever written me a song before." She choked out as Derek wrapped his arms around her. "It was beautiful. Thank you." She looked up at him tears rolling down her face.

"Thank you," he wiped her tears with his thumb, "for being here, for loving me the way you do, for agreeing to spend the rest of your life with me."

"We're getting married," she smiled.

"We're getting married." He repeated as he dipped his head down to kiss his fiancé.

This was it, it was that simple. Love is the light that saves us from the hells of the black hole. With love you can move past those failures and surpass the darkest moments in life because with love you can't go wrong.

**GA**MD**GA**MD**GA**MD**GA**MD**

_AN: So there it is, when I originally came up with the idea, I was going to redo the proposal (this was before the proposal btw) because I was convinced that I wasn't going to like it, well I was totally wrong!! _

_So here's the choice: I can either end it here and start a new story soon…or I can write a few more chapters…let me know what you want!!_

_Please Please Please Review!!! – K_

_Disclaimer: the song does not belong to me (even though I said Derek wrote it) it belongs to Keith Urban and it's call Only You Can Love Me This Way. _


	8. Chapter 8

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Moments, they are times in our lives when things happen, events take place, words are exchanged, new memories are started and lifetimes are formed. Some moments are bad, things you never want to remember, words that you push so far to the back of your mind that they never prove to be an issue again, events that change your perspective on life. Some moments are good, those that are always in the back of our minds and are brought back very easily, events that make you smile and warm your heart. Then there are those unforgettable moments, the most amazing memories and the most amazing events, those are the moments that you never want to forget.

It had been three weeks since she had stepped foot on the elevator that would seemingly change her life forever. Three weeks since she had told Derek that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. Three weeks since she had been the happiest that she could ever remember being. They were getting married tonight, not because they had to, but because they wanted to.

"Hey," Derek said as he approached his soon to be wife, wrapping his arms around her and kissing her neck.

"Good morning," she replied leaning into his touch, "it's a gorgeous day to get married."

"Hmm it is." He smiled as they looked out over their land.

"I wish we didn't have to go to work…" she pouted turning around in his arms and hooking her hands behind his neck.

"It will fly by, and about ten hours from now we'll be married."

"Mmm, Meredith Shepherd; sounds amazing, don't you think?" she asked him, looking up to him with a twinkle in her eyes, "What?" she asked when he continued to stare at her.

"You're changing your name."

"Yea you know," she said grabbing his hand as they turned to walk back to the trailer, "Grey holds nothing but bad memories for me. This is my chance to start life over, to be happy, to have the name of the man I love. Is that ok? That I change it I mean, because if you don't want me to I don't have to."

"Mer," he stopped them turning her to him and looking in her eyes, "I love that you are taking my name."

"Really?" she asked cocking her head to the side.

"Really." He brushed his thumb across her cheek and then leaned in to kiss her on the lips. "Come on, let's get to the hospital." He smiled at her as he grabbed her hand and walked her to his car.

"Well aren't we in a hurry," she chuckled as he opened the car door and waited for her to get settled.

"The way I look at it the sooner we get there, the sooner we get to leave and the sooner you become Mrs. Shepherd." He winked at her, "That does sound good."

"It does doesn't it." she laughed again as he shut the door.

**GA**MD**GA**MD**GA**MD**GA**MD**

Eight hours. She could make it through an eight hour shift, it was just a normal day, a normal day that possibly had a surgery here or there, a few sutures, maybe even a MRI or two, just a normal day, that ended in the fact that she was going to be Mrs. Derek Shepherd. She smiled to herself as her soon-to-be name rolled through her thoughts again.

"Hey," she said to Cristina as she walked into the locker room to change into her scrubs.

"Big day!" an unordinaryly chipper Cristina said as she literally bounced out of the chair she had been sulking in moments before. "Biggest day of your life!"

"Cristina, seriously, the whole peppy maid of honor thing, so not you." Meredith replied as she shook her head.

"Really? Thank God. Wait…is this going to last? This whole…calm thing you got goin on. I'm not going to have to drug you or shave off your eyebrows am I?"

"No! I'm fine, really. I don't really care about the actual ceremony, I mean yea it will be a wonderful moment in our lives, but it's the marriage I want. It's letting the person that I love know how much I love them." She finished smiling at a shocked Cristina.

"You really have changed haven't you?" Cristina asked.

"I guess…I think I'm just becoming more aware of what I want in life, and that's Derek."

"I'm happy for you." Cristina said sincerely.

"I'm happy for me too. Now I'm going to go start rounds because I have a wedding to be at tonight." She smiled as she walked out of the locker room.

**GA**MD**GA**MD**GA**MD**GA**MD**

"It's wedding day!"

"Iz, I just heard you down at the nurse's station." Meredith laughed as she walked into Izzie's room.

"Mer! It's wedding day."

"It is," she smiled, "how are you feeling."

"Better than ever. And even if I wasn't I'm going, right Bailey, you said I could go."

"I said you could go." Bailey shook her head in agreement.

"Wedding day!" Izzie clapped her hands as Meredith's pager went off.

"It's the Chief, I need to take this. She's doin alright?" Meredith asked looking at Bailey.

"She's doing wonderful." Bailey answered with an honest smile.

**GA**MD**GA**MD**GA**MD**GA**MD**

"Sir you paged?" Meredith asked approaching the Chief.

"Yea, Derek wanted to give this to you himself, but he got pulled into an emergency craniotomy so I told his I would give it to you."

"I'm sorry sir I don't understand."

"You're wedding present."

"What! I'm supposed to get him a present, are you kidding me. Seriously, shouldn't our lives together be the present. Tell him to take it back, whatever it is I don't want it."

"A colon…"

"A what?"

"It's nonrefundable from what I understand and it's about to go under in OR 2, but if you don't want it I can find another available resident."

"A colon…he got me a solo surgery."

"Congratulations Meredith." The chief said as he patted her on the back.

Her first solo surgery, this was defiantly one of those amazing moments.

**GA**MD**GA**MD**GA**MD**GA**MD**

The successful surgery didn't take long, but proved to be a very annoying moment for her. The Chief was constantly breathing down her neck, making comments on every little thing she did, both good and bad. Then in walks Derek's best man and literally threatens her about becoming the new Mrs. Shepherd. After scrubbing out Meredith made her way to the locker room to change into her street clothes and head back to the trailer to get ready. She was sitting on the bench putting her shoes on when Derek walked in.

"Hi." She smiled at him.

"Hi." He said sitting down next to her on the bench.

"You!" she poked his chest, "Best wedding present ever! And you know why?" she asked raising her eyebrow.

"Why?" he smiled.

"Because now I get to go home and put on a pretty white dress, and get my makeup done and have about five tons of hairspray put in my hair, but it's ok because in less than three hours we're going to be married."

"Hmm…forever."

"Forever." She said leaning in to kiss him.

"Hate to break up the pre-wedding sex, but I have orders straight from Queen Barbie herself to get Mer home and ready." Cristina said barging into the locker room.

"She's right I do need to get going." Meredith said keeping her arm on his chest.

"Think of it this way the sooner you let her go the sooner you get to rip the dress off of her." Cristina stated.

"Cristina…" Meredith hissed.

"What it's not like you two have never done the nasty nasty or discussed just how fast he's going to…"

"Alright, I'm leaving before this get's anymore embarrassing." Derek interrupted, "I love you, I'll see you shortly." He leaned down and kissed Meredith on the lips.

"Ok…" she smiled.

"You really are happy," Cristina said after Derek left.

"Incredibly…come on let's go, I'm ready to get married."

**GA**MD**GA**MD**GA**MD**GA**MD**

An hour and a half later she stood in front of a floor length mirror soaking in her image. After hours of trying on poofy dress after ugly dress, she had come across a simple, yet elegant dress that she instantly fell in love with. It was made of stark white silk, plain, no beading, no lace, no frills, just the way she wanted it. It reached to the floor and was followed by a slight train with the fitted cut accentuating her slender form.

"Mer…" Cristina gasped, "you look…" Meredith turned around to face her friend, "amazing."

"You think?" Meredith asked, turning back around to look in the mirror. After all these years of thinking she wasn't going to get married, that she wasn't a white dress kind of bride, it was here and it was very, very fitting.

"Yea, I do."

"Thanks you, Cris, for everything, your support through all of this, you've been amazing."

"He's it for you Mer, he's the one. He's going to take care of you, even if he is an ass sometimes."

"Cristina…"

"No seriously Mer, the way he looks at you, it's like you're his whole universe, like time literally stops, nothing else is going on, no one else exists, it's just you and him…he loves you." Neither one said a word as both were trying to fight back the tears that threatened to overflow, "look at me," Cristina said wiping her eyes, "you've turned me into a freakin sap."

"Haha, come here," Meredith said opening her arms.

"What we don't hug."

"I'm the bride if I say we hug, then we hug, even if it is just a millisecond."

Only it wasn't a millisecond, it was moments, moments where two friends, two sisters shared a lifetime of gratitude, of love, of hope for the future.

"I love you Mer."

"I love you too Cris."

They separated, both drying their eyes when there was a small knock on the door.

"Hey, you ready?" Lexie asked as she popped her head in the door.

Meredith turned to smile at Lexie and then back to Cristina.

"Yea, let's go get married."

"You have your vows memorized right, I don't need to write them on your hand real fast?" Cristina asked lifting up the short train.

"No Cris, I'm good, we honestly didn't prepare anything, we told each other we were going to speak right from the heart, say what we felt in that moment. All I have to remember is, I give you my heart, my whole life."

"Aw that's so sweet." Lexie broke in as the three women stopped walking.

This was it, the moment that was going to change her life forever, the moment she had been looking forward too for so many years now. Behind a wall of trees and shrubs stood her future husband, the man she had promised to always love and to never run from. In a matter of moments they were going to begin their lifetime.

**GA**MD**GA**MD**GA**MD**GA**MD**

It wasn't hard for them to pick a location to get married; it was really the most sensible location. It's where they had first realized that they had fallen in love with each other, it's where they rekindled their romance only a few months ago and where they had made their engagement official. So what better place than the land they planned to spend the rest of their lives on.

They had decided on no music because the traditional trumpet voluntary just wasn't them, so she was going to follow the bridesmaids down the aisle to the sound of grass crunching beneath her feet, of the wind blowing in from the shore, and of the waves crashing against the side of the cliff, it was their perfect nature wedding.

As each one made it down the aisle, first Lexie, then Cristina, then the bride herself, Meredith and Derek's hearts began to beat a little more rapidly and their smiles grew a little bit wider and brighter with each step. This was the moment they had been waiting for, they had started their day off in each other's arms watching the sun rise and now, as the sun was setting, they were promising each other their lives.

As Meredith approached the alter she smiled at Derek.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to share with Derek and Meredith a very important moment in their lives. In the year's they have been together, their love and understanding of each other has grown and matured, and now they have decided to live their lives together as husband and wife. Derek and Meredith, we are here not only to witness your commitment to each other, but to wish you happiness in your future life together. Marriage is founded on sincerity and understanding which leads to tolerance, confidence and trust. We believe that those qualities which have attracted you both to each other can be best developed during a life spent together. A happy marriage will enable you to establish a home with love and stability where your family and friends will always be welcome.

"If you would take each other's hands please."

Meredith smiled up to Derek before grabbing his hands, which he willingly excepted, rubbing his thumb over her knuckles as the minister continued.

"These are the hands of your best friend, young and strong and full of love for you, that are holding yours on your wedding day, as you promise to love each other today, tomorrow, and forever. These are the hands that will work alongside yours, as together you build your future. These are the hands that will passionately love you and cherish you through the years, and with the slightest touch, will comfort you like no other. These are the hands that will hold you when fear or grief fills your mind. These are the hands that will countless times wipe the tears from your eyes; tears of sorrow, and tears of joy. These are the hands that will tenderly hold your children. These are the hands that will help you to hold your family as one. These are the hands that will give you strength when you need it. And lastly, these are the hands that even when wrinkled and aged, will still be reaching for yours, still giving you the same unspoken tenderness with just a touch.

"Derek and Meredith, it is your love that has brought us together here today. May 14, will always reign as a special moment for you as the day you vowed to love each other in all ways, always.

"Show each other that you can be trusted and counted on for comfort when facing difficult times, and celebrate abundantly the successes and joys life brings your way. Let your love lead the way and be more important than anything else. May your love grow deeper and sweeter with each passing day…we will now exchange vows."

Still holding on to each other's hands, they smiled as one another before Derek began to speak.

"Meredith," he said her name so quite, so full of love, "I've been trying to remember when I realized that I was in love with you. And I can't…because the truth is I've always been in love with you." He paused rubbing his fingers over the back of her hands, "There was a time when you wanted to know who I was, now you do, you know everything about me and you love me just the same. It takes a very extraordinary woman to do that and you, Meredith, are that woman…you are the love of my life, the candle that lights my world, the fire that heats my soul…you are my lover, my best friend, my happily ever after…so today, and all the days of our lives, I give you my heart, my whole life." he said placing a wedding band on her finger, flashing one of his genuine smiles.

"Derek," she paused, trying to contain her emotions by smiling at him, "I never believed in the words true love or happily ever after until I met you. You did something no one has ever been able to do…you turned my dark and twisty world into a bright and shiny place I used to only dream of visiting…our story is one that people spend a lifetime chasing after, one that very few get to experience. One where love is unconditional, one where the princess gets her knight in shining whatever," she giggled, "a story where we live out our happily ever after…I love you Derek, I am so in love with you…you are my saving grace, my soul mate, my dream come true. On this perfect night and every single night from now till the end of time I give you my heart, my whole life." she finished sliding the platinum band down his finger.

She laughed as Derek brought his hand to rest alongside her cheek to wipe the tears away.

"Derek and Meredith, as you live and love throughout the years, may you realize all the joy that marriage can bring, and know that all your days have been happier because you have shared them with each other. You have declared before all of us that you will live together in marriage. You have made special promises to each other, which have been symbolized by the joining of hands, taking of vows, and giving and receiving of two rings. By the power vested in my by the State of Washington, I know pronounce you husband and wife…you may kiss the bride."

Derek shook his head at her smiling face as he placed both of his hands on either side of her face and brought her lips up to his in a passionate kiss.

"I love you," he whispered against her lips as he pulled back.

"I love you."

"Ladies and Gentlemen it is my pleasure to present to you Mr. and Mrs. Derek Shepherd."

There is was, that moment, one of those amazing unforgettable moments, she was a Shepherd, she was Derek's wife, her heart fluttered at the idea.

"You are gorgeous," he said wrapping his arm around her waist to pull her in for another kiss.

"Mmm, we're married." She smiled.

"Hmm, this" he said pulling her left hand to his lips, "is forever."

Life is full of moments, good and bad, those from the past and those of the future. But what you need to know about the past is that no matter what happened, everything works together to bring you to a certain moment in life. The co-workers that you moved in with because you couldn't afford the house by yourself become your family, and the one night stand you planned to never see or talk to again becomes the love of your life. These are life's best moments and they are all happening right now. So the question is, will you choose to make the best of them?

**GA**MD**GA**MD**GA**MD**GA**MD**

_AN: This is it, I liked the way that it ended, them married and most of all happy so I decided to leave it here!! I hope you got from the little scene with Izzie that she is doing better and Derek obviously didn't have to go back in and do surgery, so in this world Iz and George are still very much alive!!!_

_I have a couple of other ideas in my head for some stories this summer and there is defiantly one in the planning between myself and McDreamydreamsofme, so look for that too!!!_

_Big thanks to all of you who continued to read and stuck with it and of course all of your amazing reviews…I couldn't do without ya'll!! - K_


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